Episode Report Card Couch Baron: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pray For Osteoporosis
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 21 | Aired on 01.20.2000
Crais returns to his quarters to find Scorpius waiting for him. No, I don't think we're going to be seeing any bamp-chicka-wow-wow, although it would be interesting to see them try from a logistical standpoint alone. Scorpius notes that Crais's quarters are "quite opulent" even by captain's standards, and he's never understood the need of some warriors to memorialize their conquests. "Does displaying this decaying flesh remind you of past instances when you were powerful?" Heh. Crais sniffs that the "special privileges" that come with Scorpius's branch of the service don't include disrespect of rank. I guess it's just as well, then, that Scorpius didn't make the obvious follow-up point, which is that if Crais really wants to impress others and himself, he'd probably be well-advised to use something larger than a Hynerian as his trophy. Scorpius gets down to brass tacks: Crais is a total failure as a captain, and his "vector for success" is quite small; if he strays outside it, he'll find his ship in the hands of a new commander, and also, Crais needs a haircut, like, three years ago. That last bit was added after the door closed, but my hearing is excellent.
Zhaan is sternly forcing D'Argo to swallow an apparently nasty-tasting herb, saying it will stop his internal bleeding. Elsewhere, as Crichton is conducting repairs to the ship, M'Lee tells him that there were originally forty-one in her group, and they intended to colonize the asteroid. Zhaan then sends Crichton out for more of some root; she also catches M'Lee sniffing her and looks suspicious, but M'Lee tells her that she smells like the plant life outside. Zhaan compliments M'Lee on her nose: "I am also flora." Crichton is befuddled by the news that Zhaan is a plant, but D'Argo bites out that "everyone" knows that Delvians are flora-evolved. I guess this precludes a romance between D'Argo and Zhaan -- there are few surer ways to put a damper on a make-out session than sneezing in your partner's mouth.
Outside, it's now night, and Zhaan is explaining to Crichton that sentient plant life isn't all that uncommon. From the emails I sometimes get, I'm willing to bet she's right. She goes on that she has cartilaginous tissue instead of bone, in case you were wondering if any of this will be Important Later, and then Crichton gets a devilish grin on his face as he notes that her plant status explains why she likes light so much. M'Lee is not so amused, and Crichton asks when the last time she ate was. She curtly tells him she's not hungry yet, and then she hears a noise, and warns that the creature is coming. Crichton tries to get Zhaan back from gathering whatever she's gathering, but M'Lee takes off, and Crichton follows her. When they're gone, Zhaan hears growling nearby, and we soon see the creature in the immediate vicinity. Before he locates Zhaan, however, she closes her eyes and somehow vanishes. The creature comes closer, likely smelling something strange, and as he lingers, Zhaan appears to lose some control over her invisibility trick, and the creature turns and roars at her as she shrieks into the commercial break.