Episode Report Card Demian: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Magic Hour
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.11.2000
Tree-encircled lake. Night. Off-camera wolf, baying at the full moon. Cut to the witchy three stumbling around in the dark. Phoebe babbles they might have come upon what looks like it might be the right spot. Piper snarks that she heard that "about three hours ago." Phoebe shoots back, "If you wanted a supernatural Lo/JackTM, you came to the wrong witch." Heh. As Phoebe points out the glade from her vision, they hear a low growling, and we cut to a wolf's-eye view of the underbrush. It's tinted in yellow, for whatever that low-rent non-special effect is worth. Prue spots Christopher entering the clearing just as the wolf appears. Seems Phoebe's vision was a little off, however. The wolf moves to attack them, not Eye Candy, and forces the three Ps to the ground. Christopher calls the wolf off, and the three women rise, with Piper ready to freeze both the animal and the Eye Candy. Prue tells her to hold off for a moment, noticing the wolf is not attacking Christopher. "There's not much time, my love," Christopher croons to his vulpine companion, "someone's coming." Ew. I guess this is where those "Scorching Hot Man-On-Wolf Action!" sites spamming my e-mail account are getting their material. And how many day-traders do I know who utter phrases like "my love"? The answer, for those of you playing along at home, is "none."
The little love beasts scamper off with the Halliwells hard on their heels. Or hindpaws. Whatever. Cut to the interior of a conveniently-located shack, where Christopher and the wolf stare soulfully into each other's eyes. The three Ps gather at the window for a little voyeuristic thrill as the sun rises. The sun's rays hit the interspecies duo in the cabin, and the wolf -- surprise! Not! -- morphs into a fair, flaxen-haired young maiden. A fair, flaxen-haired young maiden with a perfect coif and delicately-applied make up. Eye Candy and his clothing morph into an owl and flap off, as the flaxen one winces in anguish, likely caused by the splinters biting into her naked ass. We cut to the three Ps, who finally get what we got a long, long time ago, and then we fade to commercial.
The wood, daytime. Flaxen Gal runs out of the shack fully-clothed, indicating, I suppose, that she and Christopher use it as their regular morph point, and keep clothes there for this purpose. The three Ps fly out after her, trying to get her to stop. Prue lies that Eye Candy wanted FlaxGal to chat with the three Ps, and more distrustful dialogue and tiresome backstory follow. Smug Blond fell in love with her, she told him to cram it, he placed the double curse, and now he's sent one of his minions to harm them. I listen to my eyes slowly glazing over. At that point, Eye Candy in owl form wings by, which FlaxGal interprets as a warning of imminent danger. A minion backflips in mid-air out of a black puff of smoke, and lands near the four women, crossbow at the ready. It's Unfortunate Facial Hair, who fires off two arrows in rapid succession -- not stopping to reload, of course, but then again, I'm no archery expert. Maybe arrows come in ammo clips now. The first slams into a tree next to Phoebe's head, Piper freezes the second, and Prue TKs UFH backwards into the woods. UFH scrambles to his feet and flees while the three Ps grab FlaxGal by the hand to drag her away.