Episode Report Card Erin: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sharon! This episode sucked!
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.04.2003
Sloane's channeling Buddha, obviously, because he just calmly tells Jack not to go digging; he won't find anything. He then goes on to say that he knows Jack was put in prison for allying himself with Irina, someone he vowed never to trust again in this lifetime. "So if you're capable of having such a change of heart," he says, "why is it so hard to believe that I am as well?" Jack steps even closer to the Sloane-Buddha. "Because every questionable moral thing I've ever done has been to protect Sydney," he says. "You don't have the same excuse." "Really?" says Sloane with an ironic look on his face. He then walks over to the Credenza of Mysteriously Necessary Items and withdraws a disc. He returns to Jack and informs him that the disc contains all the leads Sloane followed pertaining to Sydney's death. He scoots it across the desk, much as he scooted the Covenant file across the desk to Sydney. He claims the leads were mostly dead ends, and that he trusts Jack will look at it before he dismisses it outright. Jack scoops it up in his hand and says, "Should I take this as your official denial of any involvement in Sydney's disappearance?" Sloane just nods. "Then you've just made the worst mistake of your life," says Jack. "Because I am going to bury you." He turns and walks out.
Awwww yeah. We got some Spy Daddy goin' awn.
Mama Hari's Den of Delights. Only, now that Mama Hari herself has gone back to Connecticut or wherever to spend more time with her husband, Lasse Hallström, and their collective brethren, Mama Hari herself is not in attendance. In her place, we have the beautiful, the lovely, the Mr. Sark. Welcome, Mr. Sark! Why don't you tell us about yourself?
Oh, too late. We don't have time to hear about your childhood, Mr. Sark. Syd's arrived. She wants a word with him before he gets traded. Sark himself looks rather, um, the worse for wear. His hair is shorn, he's wearing all black, and…oh, hell. He doesn't look worse for wear. He looks GOOD. He gets up from his perch on the bed and walks over to the glass. He's all, dear god, it can't possibly be you! Syd's all, oh, please. Don't act surprised that I'm alive, dickhead. Sark's all, honey? You know how much I admire your work as an operative, right? But even I didn't think you were capable of cheating death, once your remains had been identified and thrown off the SIDE OF A SHIP. "Which begs the question," he remarks in his dulcet tones, "if it wasn't your body they removed from the ashes, whose was it?" Syd's all, yeah, um, Scooter? I read your confession transcripts, and I didn't skip over that part where you and some bitch named Allison Doren killed my friend Francie. Scooter's all, yeah, what in the hell are you getting at anyway, Zombie Syd? Syd's all, I think that explosion at my apartment was a cover-up to make everyone think I was dead, and that Sloane abducted me, and I think you know why.
Scooter's all, okay, lemme get this straight. You have no idea where you've been for the last two years. None. Oh, ha ha ha ha. Oh, that is just rich! That is just…are you sure you weren't just drunk or something? On acid? In Marrakech? Oh, hee hee hee! That is brilliant! Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh, I'm just…oh, HA HA HA! "Look, Sydney," he says, after he's calmed down. "If Sloane intended to abduct you, I wasn't privy to it." Heh. He said "privy." Why do I find that dirty all of a sudden? "What if I said I still don't believe you?" says Syd, totally floored by Sark's reaction. "I'd say it made no difference," he says calmly. "In twenty-four hours, I'll be free, and you'll remain in the dark." They have a bit of a Mexican standoff, and Syd finally turns to exit. "See you in Mexico," she says in parting.