Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Money for nothing, and your wedding for free
By Miss Alli | Season 7 | Episode 12 | Aired on 05.23.2005
The bridesmaids put on their shoes. Rob's groomsmen unwrap their gifts. They do a good job of making sure you can't actually see what they are, except that they're from Tommy Bahama. Watches? Pendants? Anyway, it's something they'll never wear. Colin, for his part, goes to see Amber in her dress and is shocked and pleased at how nice it is. He's even all nice to Arlette, even though she doesn't usually deal exclusively in the famous. He tells us that he was "blown away" by the dress. He also assures Amber that Rob looks awesome. The bridal party strolls toward the wedding site as Amber talks about how excited she is, and about how great it is to have people care so much about her and want to see her all day.
When we get back from another set of commercials, the surf is pounding. Random footage of Rob and Amber making out on a beach, neither one of them really looking their best, plays as Amber tells us how quickly she and Rob "clicked," and how surprised they were. She says that he's "very romantic" and "very sensitive," and that he tells her how he feels all the time. For his part, Rob says that when he wakes up in the morning, Amber is the first thing he thinks about, and she's the last thing he thinks about before he falls asleep. And that has the weird status of being (1) a horrible cliché; and (2) such an awesome sentiment if true that you can almost get away with it nevertheless. "It's kind of ironic," he says, actually using the word the way he intends, "but I found my perfect person when I was starving on an island in the middle of Panama." Amber says that she always used to think you needed to date for at least a year before getting engaged, but she and Rob totally didn't do that, so now she thinks there's "no time limit." Heh. More smooching footage. "When you know, you know," Rob says. "It's not one thing that I love about Amber. It's not even a list of things. It's just Amber." Nice, that. Amber says that she would love for the wedding to go on forever, and I'm starting to think it might, so let's...you know, move on.
And now, the wedding portion of the wedding, which is always my least favorite part. Rob waits by a beachfront altar, facing all the guests. Behind the guests is an arch, and Amber walks under the arch as the music plays. She also manages to catch her flowing veil on the arch, and requires a quick assist to get untangled. Rob grins a meaty grin at her as she, ultimately joined by her father, approaches down the aisle. Rob steps up from the altar, hugs Amber's dad, and takes Amber back up with him. The officiant gives a speech that you really don't need to know a lot about. He explains that the last few days have undoubtedly given everyone a chance to revel in their love for the couple. "The story that we celebrate is the story of your friendship," he says. He makes a lame reality-TV joke, but then he's back on track, promising that the family and friends will "bear witness" as they get married. Well, along with the rest of the TV audience. Nicole and Mike step up and hand Rob and Amber their vows. Amber's are on a fancier piece of paper, which Rob comments on in a low, nervous mutter, leading Amber to nervously comment, "I'm a girl."