Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: A- | 16 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The One I Watch Through My Fingers
By Cindy McLennan | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.18.2012
Church. It's apparent that no one who works on this show has darkened the doors of a house of worship in a long time because Elena is handing out programs for the memorial service, but she's laying on program on every seat, which is just not how it's done. Most churches would have ushers who would hand out programs to the mourners as they arrived. If there was an acute usher shortage, they'd probably lay a stack of programs on a table at the back of the sanctuary, or place little stacks at the end of each pew. Prepare yourselves, gentle readers, for more churchy nitpicks because that's how I roll. Anyhow, this is just a chance of Matt to check in with Elena, and for Elena to mourn for everyone because even though she's a vampire, she is still the most compassionate person in the world.
When Elena spots April in a front pew, she approaches her. The girls hug, and April explains that she has to speak at the service. She has no clue what to say, but is afraid if she doesn't talk, maybe no one will have anything nice to say about her dad, and everyone deserves to have nice things said at their funeral. Elena encourages the girl to do whatever she needs to do and adds, "Don't worry about your dad. Everyone in this town loved him." Really? Why? I mean, for the brief time that he graced our screens, he was nothing but an ass. Don't get me wrong. I don't think there's anything wrong with uninitiated humans wanting to kill vampires. That's the survival instinct. But Reverend Cliche's character was written to be a one-note, ignorant, hateful man. Anyhow, April must know her daddy blew up the Council and himself, because she adds, "Until two days ago." Elena: "Even still..." When Elena grabs the girl's wrist, she feels the blood pumping beneath and excuses herself.
In the bathroom, Elena pukes and I'm just not recapping this crap. It's gross and disgusting and I can't stop gagging. Thankfully, we cut to...
Bonnie's house. Bonnie is damned depressed. Maybe she had to watch all the puking via a crystal ball or something. Stefan's there. Realizing Bonnie is nothing but a deus ex machina to all her near and dear, she tells him about watching her Grams suffer because Bonnie used black magic. She can't even do a nature spell right now. When Stefan responds to her, Bonnie cuts short his concerned chit chat and asks him what he wants, which makes me laugh, and I'm not sorry about that. When people go to Bonnie, it's because they want her to do something for them. That's just her life, poor kiddo. Stefan shows her Connor Jordan's bullets and notes that they burn to the touch. Bonnie says the etchings don't look like magical writing. Stefan: "I think we have a new vampire hunter in town." Bonnie: "Hmm. That's bad timing." Am I the only one laughing like a loon here?