Episode Report Card Dan Kawa: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Just Because My Words Were Lies (Doesn't Mean My Love Weren't True)
By Dan Kawa | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.09.2004
"This is going to hurt," Jack says to Sayid in one of this show's patented Overlapping Meaningful Dialogue moments. He's putting peroxide on Sayid's arm. Sayid expositions re: his attack last week; whoever hit him also destroyed the transceiver and Sayid's radio equipment. "I will do what I need to do to find the man responsible," Sayid says. They're interrupted by Shannon hauling a well-tenderized Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity into the campsite. Jack does some more indeterminate medical-type things as Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity reveals that Sawyer beat the crap out of him. Incidentally, I've gotten several emails asking me to stop referring to this character as Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity. Wrote one reader, Goofy McTwatTwat:
Hey Mr. Kwa. Can you please cut back on writing "God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity" every time you write "Boone"? I think it's pretty funny, but it would be funnier just one time in a recap. Over and over again gets laborious.Just my two cents.
No dice, Goofy McTwatTwat! I don't refer to Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity as Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity because it's funny. I refer to Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity as Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity because that is the man's proper and full name. So it would be rude of me to shorten that full name, just as it would be rude of me to shorten your full name, Goofy McTwatTwat. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity he remains.
Commercials! In eight days, Prince Harry speaks on Primetime Live! On the way to London last week, I picked up a copy of People to read all about William, the Good Prince, and Harry, the Bad Prince. Is it just me, or does Harry seem about a million times funner than William? William, as far as I can tell, is just a British John Elway, in looks and in pretty-boy aura. If he wasn't a prince he'd end up selling used cars. But Harry is the kind of kid you want to hang out with in your gap year, punching photographers, drinking to excess in Ibiza, shagging tarts. London was fun, by the way. The highlight by far was the Premiere League football match we attended, between Tottenham Hotspur and Charlton. Those Tottenham fans sure like to call people names! Early in the match, a guy sitting right behind us yelled at Tottenham striker Fredi Kanoute, "Fucking win it, you lanky wanker!" For the rest of the trip, about three times a day my mom would, apropos of nothing, mutter "lanky wanker!" and giggle to herself.
Claire, wearing the floppy hat she looted a few weeks back, sits on the beach writing in her Dream Journal. Charlie delivers water, and Claire tells him he's sweet. Charlie tells her he's worried about her out here on the beach -- "It's very sunny," he notes. "Thus the hat," she replies. Charlie mentions the doctor back in the caves, though he wisely leaves out the part about the occasional cave-ins. In advertising, that's called "minimizing negative connotations." Claire says she wants to stay on the beach "for when we get rescued." Charlie frowns and grumbles in a manner that is 75 percent of the way to flat-out saying "fat chance," but luckily Claire is so sunny and stupid she doesn't notice.