Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Joey Potter And Capeside Redemption
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.06.2003
Cut to Grams's Bostonian digs. How close is Capeside to Boston, anyway? Earlier in the season, I was under the impression that it was a good couple hours' drive. Now it seems to be no more than a fifteen-minute cab ride. At any rate, General Joey is passing out assignments to Jen, Jack, and Audrey. She hands her erstwhile roommate a script. Audrey will be playing the role of Ta-MAR-ah Jacobs in I Stole My Best Friend's Hot Teacher-Fucking Story For My Own Movie, Because Nothing Interesting Ever Happened To Me. "Wait a second," Audrey says. "You want me to play the slutty teacher that robbed Pacey of his delicate flower?" Jen giggles, and suggests that Audrey could play Eve. I can't believe the writers even remember Eve existed. Joey announces that Eve didn't make the cut. Audrey, naturally, wonders who Eve is. "Long story, ambiguous ending," Jack pipes up. Jen wonders where Pacey is, and Joey explains that while he couldn't make it to this particular production meeting, she'll "take care of him." Oh, I'll just bet she will.
Next thing you know, she's over at Doug's. Doug tells her that Pacey is "out…or something." Joey doesn't buy it, so Dougie eventually lets her inside, warning her that "it's ugly." Pacey lies facedown on the sofa, watching television in his underwear. He looks up when Joey comes in, potato chip fragments stuck to the side of his face. "I'm finally beginning to understand soap operas. They're pretty good," he says. Why, it's like the writers had a camera in my living room during the time I was unemployed! Joey moves his legs and sits next to him on the sofa, then tells him to get up and put on some pants. Bite your tongue, girl. Pacey blinks. "The Young and the Restless is about to come on. I've got to see how JT talks his way out of this one, because Colleen was about to kill him, and I wouldn't miss that for all the pizza in Capeside," he says. "We’ve got chips," he adds in a monotone. Apparently, this is an actual Y&R plotline. (I only watch Passions. And All My Children, every couple of weeks. And Days of Our Lives. Oh, shut up! Soaps are good.) Anyway, according to my resident soap expert, Heathen, JT is sleeping with a girl and her mother simultaneously. In her words, he is both robbing the cradle and having his cradle robbed. Joey tells him this is pathetic. Pacey looks up, and the chips have magically disappeared from his cheeks. "Kinda comes with the territory," he says. "I don't know what you expect me to do about it." Joey rolls her eyes and tells him that she expects him to help her figure out how to make Dawson's movie on "ten dollars and a dream." Pacey groans that he'll just ruin it, anyway, and all of them know it. Also, why should he help that dicksmack Dawson? What's Dawson ever done for him, anyway? (This last bit might just have been me talking.) "I'm a dangerous man. A lethal weapon," Pacey groans. "So, we're better off if I just lie here. On my couch. Watching my stories." Those potato chips, by the way, are appearing and disappearing at will. At this, Joey turns off the TV and roughly tells him that she needs him, and so does Dawson. Pacey retorts that things between the three of them will ever be the same, ever, and that she just has to accept that. "I don't and I never will," Joey says. Pacey sighs. "That's fine," he says. "Be cheery and delightful and whatever else it is you want to do, I really don't care." Joey simply makes an exasperated face and stomps off. Pacey turns lazily back to The Young and the Restless.