Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT No More Mr. Nice Guy
By Couch Baron | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 07.26.1998
Guest starring: Scott William Winters. Wehw, awen't we wucky.
Confetti falls as Hill, wearing a party hat with "Happy New Year" printed on it, speed-freaks that the end of the millennium is coming, and that there will be a lot of lists of who the greatest people of the past thousand years were. He tells us that he won't be on that list, and I update my own list of "Things I So Already Knew." In Oz, Alvarez finishes up a phone call in Spanish, then jauntily strides out and tells Rebadow he has some information for him about Glynn. Why Rebadow is a logical person for him to tell is absolutely beyond me, but Contrivance answers to no recapper. Rebadow says he knows that Glynn's daughter was brutally raped and beaten, but Alvarez way-too-happily tells him that he knows who did it, as he just spoke to him on the phone. He walks away, but dramatic music tells us he was overheard by some random guy.
Cut to said random guy, whose name is Hanlon, coming into Mukada's office. Mukada asks what's up. Hanlon: "I love to take it in the ass." I'm sure you don't need me to point out the hilarity in this declaration being made to a Catholic priest, so I'll just note that of all the provocative comments Mukada's heard in Oz, that's certainly the latest. Anyway, Hanlon's point is that while some might find his proclivities perverse, his actions are his own choice, unlike, say, in the case of someone who's raped. Mukada asks if he's been raped, and he acknowledges that he has, but he's there because he has information on another rape. And thus begins another chapter in The Oz "What Happens When You Don't Keep Your Fool Fat Mouth Shut" Chronicles. It's a rather heavy volume, as you probably well know.
In Glynn's office, Mukada whines to Pete that she didn't tell him about the rape, but she rightly informs him that he asked her not to, and I really don't think that you should have your nose in the entire staff's personal business, Ray. Glynn enters, and Mukada starts to spill it. Cut to Glynn storming into an interrogation room where Alvarez is waiting. Glynn asks him what he knows, but Alvarez isn't having it. "You think that you could shit on people, shit on people, and you get away with it? Not this time. And you can go fuck yourself." Mukada tries to intervene, having, like the rest of us, seen the steam coming out of Glynn's ears, and tells Alvarez to say what he heard about Glynn's daughter. Alvarez: "What? That she's a lousy lay?" If you've never seen steel harden, you might want to check out Glynn's jaw right after those words are uttered. Mr. Steel removes his jacket and tells a hack to chain Alvarez up, then starts to usher Mukada out the door. Mukada, not wanting to see Alvarez's pretty face get smashed in like an overripe cantaloupe, tries to dissuade Glynn, but Glynn yells for him to get out, and grabs one of the hack's nightsticks. At the last second, Mukada throws himself between Glynn and Alvarez, and Glynn smashes the table in frustration. I hope you're seriously ashamed of your behavior in the riot now, Migs. And if I didn't know what happens to Alvarez in the rest of the series, I'd be pointing out that he's only a very short walk from the shit list right now, but considering how intimately he later becomes acquainted with the first word of that expression, I think I'll let it slide. He really was a little punk here, though, no?