Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Absolutely Cab-ulous
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.30.2010
TGS. Lemon finds Richie to have a pre-scripted break-up conversation in front of Donna. She talks up his fully loaded Toyota Tercel, at-home pinball machine, two-time adventures to Canada, and love of unicorns. Richie smoothly bids farewell to Lemon, and she leaves, saying, "I guess some other woman will get to enjoy that waterbed that you're saving up for." Donna's all, "You had me at unicorns!"
Uptown, Tracy has won the prize money and arrived at Mt. Sinai. He gleefully tries to exit the cab, and there is some confusion as to when he should pull the door, and when the host should hit the unlock button. Don't you just hate when that happens? Inside, he finally arrives and pushes Kenneth out of the way to tell Angie that he'll always be by her side, "no matter what Discovery Channel game shows get in [his] way," adding that he doesn't know what he "would do without you." With that, he looks back at Kenneth, who is crawling out of the room clandestinely. Job well done.
Jack wraps up his tape, telling his son that, if he ever encounters a situation not covered in the tapes, he should "find Elizabeth Lemon, ask her advice, and then do the opposite." After he shuts off the camera, Kenneth knocks on his door as resolute as ever to rejoin the fold at NBC. Jack offers to speak with HR, but Kenneth proudly announces that he's going to reapply to the Page program and follow all protocol. Jack insists he doesn't care. Kenneth giddily calls from behind, "Your ability to hide your true feelings is part of your great strength!"
Hospital. When Tracy introduces Jack to his daughter, Jack details his effort to guide his son from the grave. Tracy sagely intones, "You want to make God laugh? Make a plan... or read him a Dave Barry book." He advises Jack not to worry about being old, because he'll never be able to predict what happens in life. To wit, Tracy opens up the blanket in which his infant daughter is supposedly lying, and she's nowhere to be found. Whoops! He just forgot her over in her bassinet. Also to wit, Jack gets a phone call from Avery telling him the ultrasound tech got it wrong, and they're actually having a girl. While Avery frets about her daughter's spatial reasoning and upper body strength, Jack realizes that he must make all new tapes.
Bonus! Jack foregoes Lutz this go-around. Instead, he tells his little girl, "If you have the blondeness and self-esteem of your mother, you will need no advice." Otherwise, it's on to Lemon: "Every human has hair on his or her face, some of us just have more. I think it's nice to occasionally splurge on a straight-razor shave. If you're running low on laundry, a bathing suit makes perfectly acceptable underwear." She also considers bandannas a "fun, sexy" accessory. And on and on...