Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Once Had Love...
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 12.14.2006
Hybrid chamber. "...I don't care if it rains or freezes, as long as... the five lights of the apocalypse rising scenes revealed only to those who enter the temple only to the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one end of line. Until next time... the eye the eye the eye look into the eye to know thyself." (Hee! "You're a whipping boy, raised by mongrels and set on a sacrificial slab.") Again, we have the liquid imagery, an interesting "apocalypse" mention, the five lights, an interesting juxtaposition of "the chosen one"/"end of line," which admittedly might be only syntactical but makes me worry about my girl Three, and that last phrase, which would seem to already apply to Chief. Most interesting is that Three's about to quote the Hybrid in such a way that either she wasn't listening, which is awesome, or else she's just actually quoting her, which means she's that much closer to nuts.
"Gaius, I am on the verge of seeing the faces of the Final Five Cylons. Maybe the face of God himself." Baltar stares, then touches her arm reverently. "The Five await me. Gaius, I'm so close to knowing the truth." Caprica walks in, asking what "truth" she's going after; Three is less than thrilled to see her but hides it just as well as ever. You could almost believe she entered this threesome just to get Gaius, as bisexual neighbors have been doing since the beginning of time in your less attractive apartment complexes and duplexes. Caprica's fed up: "I'd like to think that we three have shared something. Transcended the barriers that separate people. And yet, somehow, the more time goes on, the more I find myself on the outside looking in." (Alison: "WHAT?! You've just figured out that your deep and meaningful threesome is silly and worthless? What next, you stop buying lottery scratch-offs?") Gaius stutters about their deep and meaningful threesome, and Three cuts him off: "We're finished. Baltar's and my destiny lie separate from yours, Caprica." Shocked, Caprica and Gaius gape at each other as Biers heads for the door. Come on, Caprica knows him better than anybody -- she had to know this was going to happen. She has to know he's about to make the worst possible choice. "The five lights will only be revealed to those who enter the Temple," says Three, whistling and tapping her thigh at Gaius ("Who's a good whipping boy? Yes sir, that's my little man!"), who comes running. "We have to go down to the planet. Only you and I can see this through."
Caprica begs her to know what they're after, just completely wrong-footed and screwed over again. Created to love and be loved in return, and rising always toward Heaven, always closer to the mind of God. Suddenly betrayed and left on the ground. I loooove Caprica. "You have to tell me the truth. I love you both!" Like that's ever resulted in truthiness. "We love you too," says Three. "But this is something you cannot share with us." Caprica's mind is blown. "Something I can't share with you?" She's not just losing Gaius, not just losing Three: she's losing God and destiny and big-L Love. "I loved you when everyone else wanted you dead!" she shouts at Gaius. Which is... so very close to what he was screaming at Roslin yesterday, isn't it. I find this whole thing heartbreaking. "Now, look, you mustn't misunderstand. It's not personal. It's transcendent. It's like what you said: it's transcendent." He and Three bounce, Three asking her to pray for them. "We'll be praying for you." (Shit on your pray for you, is what I would say at this point.) Gaius gives -- again -- one teary look back, leaving behind one more home. Caprica: is very sad and can't believe it, is self-accusatory and exasperated, asks God if He's possibly doing this, thinks about committing suicide a billion times herself, and then accepts it with a sound like a box clicking closed. She does these things, The Five Stages Of Getting Dumped By Your Boyfriend, Your Girlfriend And God Himself, in record time. This is because she is a robot. Robots get an extra stage, though, which is called Fucking Everybody Up So Very, Very Bad, and that's my favorite stage and I cannot wait, if I'm right. Caprica for the win.