Episode Report Card Sara M: F | 2 USERS: F YOU GRADE IT I Dream of Weenie
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 18 | Aired on 02.29.2004
RevCam's at Pete's Pizza, asking Pete about whether or not he talked to Chandler about "the kid [RevCam] thought [Chandler] might be able to help." Pete says he didn't have time, so he made his niece do it. Pete calls Angela out and she comes, walking as if she only just mastered the skill. Then she opens her mouth, and it's apparent that she doesn't know a whole hell of a lot about talking either. I'm starting to wonder if Brenda Hampton just has the prop department build "guest-bots," androids whose alterable appearance guarantees that they may appear as an infinite number of guest-stars. It saves money on paying human actors in the long run.
Chandler breezes in, sees the trio, and asks "what in the name of heaven is going on?" RevCam says he "evidently" has never met Angela, except that, by every single fucking account, Chandler met her LAST NIGHT. Pete and Angela leave, and RevCam kind of apologizes for getting Chandler all confused, saying he just wanted to get Chandler to the kid's house. And asking the local pizza guy to give Chandler the message was the best way to accomplish this task? Chandler tells RevCam that his life is none of his business, and RevCam had "no right to trick [him] into getting emotionally involved with a kid just so [he] would adopt him." "So you liked him?" RevCam asks, not getting it. He says he heard about the kid and decided that Chandler would be great for him. "Why me?" Chandler asks. "Why not you?" RevCam says. Hmm. How about BECAUSE CHANDLER DOES NOT WANT TO ADOPT A CHILD, NOR HAD HE GIVEN IT ANY PREVIOUS THOUGHT. RevCam calls this a "dream adoption," by which he means "easy adoption," because the grandma will just sign her grandson over to Chandler without any government agencies getting involved or Chandler having to do anything like FIND OUT IF HE'S READY AND ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. RevCam starts complimenting Chandler all over the place about how great he is and what a great father he would be -- on the verge of tears the whole damn time, of course -- and how Chandler wants to share his life, so why not "start with this child?" Only for a million reasons, some of which I have already stated. In all caps, because I'm so damn angry.
Anyway, RevCam does some more yammering on about how Chandler just has to adopt himself a son right now, and then Randy Spelling walks in, introducing himself as a lawyer for the kid's grandma. Chandler expresses doubt that anyone as young-looking as Randy could be a lawyer, and I think they might need to give that up already, since isn't Randy, like, thirty by now? And he looks even older. Anyway, Randy says he "just passed the bar. Legally." So I guess at some point before then, he passed it "illegally." I wish we could have heard more about that; it sounds more interesting than the contract Randy gives Chandler, which says that Chandler will meet with her grandson "with the intention of adopting him." She doesn't want him to get his hopes up only to have Chandler take off, thus "permanently damaging the kid's ego." "Ego"? Chandler asks Randy if he's single. Randy says he is. Chandler asks if they can maybe go out some time, then. Or he just asks Randy why he doesn't adopt the kid himself. Randy says he lives with his mother and has a lot of debt, okay? Also, his parents' mansion has its own movie theater, so why would he even want to move out? Randy asks Chandler what he knows about the kid. It turns out that he doesn't know very much, since the kid lied to him to sound more appealing. Chandler thinks for about three seconds, then signs the contract. Randy calls the kid in, who says that "having a dad is something I've been dreaming about all my life." RevCam starts bawling. Maybe he's thinking about the time when he and Annie adopted Ruthie, and how much he now regrets that decision.