About a year ago a bunch of my wonderful and generous posters got together and sent me the entire Season One Star Trek: Deep Space Nine DVDs and the Star Trek Cookbook. Until I decided to do this Extra, I had not yet made a single recipe from the cookbook. I figured that choosing three that matched a few of my TOS Extras would be in order, and then, to bring the Extra in line with my current gig, I also decided to try out a recipe of Scott Bakula's as published in Canadian TV Guide in May 2002. It was fitting that I played my DS9 DVDs in the kitchen as I cooked. Can I just warn y'all that if I ever recapped DS9 I would most certainly start with "Emissary" with all the "What is past?" "What is love?" "What is what?" and that bad actress playing Jennifer Sisko.
WARNING: I'm coming to you from a real test-kitchen chef's standpoint, so I'm going to scrutinize these recipes within an inch of their lives. You might think I'm a bit harsh at times, but seriously, what kind of TWoP Extra would this be if I didn't whisk in some snark?
"Dr. McCoy's Tennessee Smoked Baked Beans," from Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
Everyone remembers this, right? The dish of Explosive Combinations? Kirk and farts being forever associated in our minds? Okay, well, this is it. Reading through Neelix's chatty intro, I came across this:
"If you're serving this dish to your family, however, and are not out in one of the great national parks on Earth, you probably won't want to include the booze -- nor should you -- but you can add a down-home Smoky Mountain taste with a product called liquid smoke."
Just hold on one gol'durned minute, "nor should you"? Whyever the hell not? First of all, hello -- flavor! That's what any alcohol, be it wine, vermouth, brandy, or whisky, can bring to a dish. Secondly, these beans bake FOR EIGHT HOURS! The alcohol will long get cooked off. I take issue with Neelix's language here because I understand having an alcohol-free recipe -- even though, as I stated, any of the "deleterious effects" of alcohol are long gone after eight hours in the oven -- is desired by many, but still to say "nor should you" is just...odd. Why shouldn't I? Is it bad if I do? Do I really need a guilt trip if, as a chef, I like to add a little kick to my dishes? Am I going to hell? Why is Neelix acting like my conscience? I hate crickets! I STOMP ALL CRICKETS!
Since I was never a Voyager watcher, maybe it was common knowledge that Neelix was a confirmed teetotaler, because looking through other recipes in the book really shows him having an aversion to alcohol. I mean, he even makes "McCoy's Mint Julep" with Schweppes, Canada Dry, or Seagram's tonic instead of bourbon! Bones is spinning so fast in his grave, he could power Eli Whitney's cotton gin.