Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Jenna Jumps
By Miss Alli | Season 8 | Episode 3 | Aired on 02.11.2004
Kathy takes the now-dead SpongeBite SharkyPants out and lays him on a rock, where she tries desperately to hack him up with a machete that appears to be about as sharp as a plastic picnic knife. It takes her so long to make any progress that Hatch has plenty of time to yammer to the camera about how great it is to catch fish, because these people haven't had food, and now they love him. Yeah, I'm sure that they're not onto this routine at all. I swear, that is the dullest machete of all time. Kathy looks like the lady in the "Does A Dull Blade Make Your Life Miserable?" video at the beginning of a late-night infomercial for a good machete. I do enjoy Hatch, however, eventually eating his dinner and saying, "He bit me. I eat him." That is kind of bad-ass, and it would be more so if he hadn't acted up about it so much before this. Everyone chows down, and in an interview, Hatch talks about how they all thanked him, and how he just wanted to wave lovingly at their cute little selves because they'll all be gone soon. I find this new interview demeanor of his, I have to say, intensely obnoxious and unappealing, and not funny in the least. I did used to have a certain measure of respect for the guy, but at this point, he's just coming off like a big blowhard as far as I'm concerned. It's never good to become a caricature of yourself. Just ask Bob Dylan.
Commercials. I don't care what Tylenol says. Properly ripe strawberries do not go "boing."
A pelican standing in for the more metaphorically appropriate vulture flies about as we return to Saboga, Day 7. The tribe has apparently received word of another box to go fetch, so they take off into the woods to look. We now see the box, a large trunk with a Home Depot logo on it. Saboga opens it and finds, unsurprisingly, a large selection of tools. They're all very excited, because now they can...I don't know, shovel things. Other than what they're usually shoveling, if you see my point. The clue that comes with the box tells them that they're to rebuild their shelter over the next day, and that whichever tribe builds the best one will win a reward. Plus, they'll win another clue to the rice box. The second-place winner will win only the clue. Only four tribemates on each team can participate, to give Saboga a fair chance, in theory. Assuming they can have a chance if they're given fair numbers, because they're not just naturally freakin' stupider than everybody else. Not to give anything away, but that's not a particularly sound assumption. At any rate, a professional will be around the next day to judge all their new shelters. Oh, and I love how the poem clue required someone to come up with something to rhyme with the Home Depot slogan, "You can do it, we can help," and they decided that in building your shelter, you might use...kelp. Yeah. Seems likely. Those seaweed curtains are all the rage.