Episode Report Card Pamie: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bully For You
By Pamie | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.30.2002
Independence Inn. Michel and Lorelai are staring into the fireplace because Michel saw the mouse run in there. Lorelai says they can't have this mouse running around the Inn or "customers will freak." Michel: "Well, tell them it's a baby. People love babies. They'll talk to it in funny voices." Hee. Lorelai asks whether Michel's called an exterminator. Michel says that's a wonderful idea, since he was planning on just strapping a wheel of cheese to his head and lying on the ground until the mouse came out and ate his face. The exterminator is on his way. Kirk -- somehow not the exterminator -- shows up and asks to speak to Lorelai. Lorelai tells Michel to stand by the fireplace and make sure the mouse doesn't go back into the lobby. "Oh, goodie! A promotion."
Kirk has a delivery for Sookie. He says it's nothing important -- just her wedding pictures. Lorelai promises to give Sookie the package when she gets back to the Inn. Kirk looks suspicious, so Lorelai promises again and even offers to leave the Inn and find Sookie so she can deliver the package immediately. I don't understand how the package looks enormous in Kirk's arms but normal in Lorelai's. I think someone needs to feed Kirk really soon. Kirk asks to sit and talk with Lorelai. They take an awkward seat on the couch. Lorelai asks if everything is okay. Kirk explains that his mother has developed a condition that makes her knees swell, and that he spent yesterday cutting holes in her pants so she can sit down. Lorelai is about to excuse herself, but Kirk stops her to ask if she'd like to have dinner with him. In two weeks. He heard she had a cold, and he thinks two weeks is enough time to ensure that the virus is out of Lorelai's system. Lorelai stammers, and Kirk interrupts her to say that he knows this is completely out of the blue for her, so she doesn't have to answer right away. He tells her to think it over for the next few days. Kirk goes to leave and Lorelai follows him, telling him to wait, about to break his heart. But then Kirk turns at the door and says, "By the way, I think you might be the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Outside of a really filthy magazine." Lorelai thanks him as Michel smirks from over her shoulder. Kirk leaves and Lorelai slumps back towards Michel. "Don't," she says. "I am doing nothing," Michel smiles. "But the mouse, however, has dropped dead from laughter."
Rory is in bed. What time is it? Hmm. She turns over and sees Lorelai, fully dressed, sitting at the foot of the bed. Lorelai admits that she's been sitting there for about an hour and a half. She's just excited because it's Rory's last First Day of School and it means that Rory is all grown up now. So, she's got Chilton, so it's got to be like six in the morning. What's with the bright sunlight? And does that mean Lorelai woke up at four in the morning? There's no way. Anyway, Lorelai gives Rory her bill. She crunched some numbers and figured out that Rory owes her quite a bit of money from over the years. I can see the crew in the reflection of the television screen over Lorelai's shoulder. Rory stands up to take a shower. Lorelai says that Rory got home too late last night for them to talk. Rory says she got home at ten, and that Lorelai was already asleep. Lorelai confesses that she was trying to watch The Legend of Bagger Vance again. Lorelai tells Rory that Kirk asked her out. "Shut up!" Rory says with a smile. Lorelai says that Kirk came to the Inn and asked her to dinner. "That's so sweet!" Rory says. "You should wear your dress with the ponies on it. I bet he likes ponies." That's my favorite line of the episode. Lorelai says she can't go out with Kirk because (pant, pant, pant), "He's Kirk!" Rory says that if Kirk loves Lorelai and makes her happy, then that's all that matters. Rory just wants her mother to be happy. Lorelai gives an example: "Hello, Headmaster Charleston, this is my stepfather, Kirk. Please don't make any sudden movements; he's a Fear Biter." Rory asks how Lorelai's going to let him down. Lorelai says that this is why she needed to talk to Rory, since Rory's the nice one. Rory tells Lorelai to tell the truth -- that she just wants to be friends. Lorelai says that's too lame. Rory says Lorelai could lie and say she has a boyfriend, but Lorelai doesn't want to tempt her Relationship Karma. Rory tells Lorelai she's on her own. "We're gonna have to move," Lorelai says. "Take off in the middle of the night. Leave everything behind. Assume different identities. I'll join a local community theater and I'll drive you to soccer." It'd be perfect, but Rory doesn't play soccer. "You do now," Lorelai says. See, I'd pick the line "Maybe Rory doesn't, but Mallarory does!"