Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sicker Than Other People
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 05.09.2011
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Kevin finds the dental floss container from that B&B trip last year and convinces himself that Jackie's back on drugs. Which she is, of course, since she never got off them. But with some quick thinking and the sobriety chip from devil-man (whose name is, apparently, Bill?) she convinces Kevin that everything's fine. This year it seems like every episode she steals somebody else's story or dialogue or something, it's a weird tic I don't remember this show ever having. Anyway, she does that some more.
Sam -- who looks ridiculously great out of his scrubs, dressed as a hipster -- recognizes Bill from AA, but apparently only knows about the "great sponsor" part of the Bill equation, and less about the "gets his rocks off overserving addicts" part. So once again you got Sam on the trail, which never ends well.
Kelly Slater continues to be insufferable, but Jackie is finally warming up to the idea of his destruction. Fitch spends the entire episode mooning over a terribly smug Mohawk Indian and then flies a kite, so he's doing about as well as you'd expect. Even God is getting tired of Coop's antics at this point, but I don't know. He's kind of adorable right now.
Because of Kevin's ongoing suspicious spycraft, Jackie's finding it harder to get out of the house and play with Eleanor and Eddie... So they have started hanging out together. I don't know what makes Eddie so magnetic but man, everybody on this show just loves him, despite having zero point zero zero percent of a personality beyond "whiny stalker."
In other news, Grace is diversifying her weirdness portfolio -- obsessing on grisly martyrdoms almost as devoutly as she usually worries about her carbon footprint -- but at least she's stopped pulling her hair out. It's interesting this week though, because one of the major patients is this ICU-bound drug addict with a pretty great teenage son, so Jackie has to think about how shitty being a drug addict makes you. Then when she's done thinking about that, she goes and does some more drugs.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously, Nurse Kelly was a dude all over Nurse Jackie's business, and must be destroyed. Also, somebody on this show remembered something that ever happened on this show, when Jackie dropped her drugs in the car on their way to the Oddly Sexy Old Lady Bed & Breakfast.
2 AM (GRACE CAN'T BREATHE)
Grace: "I need a consult in the middle of the night, because my constant anxiety is giving me heart palpitations."
Jackie: "Let's have midnight cocoa and pretend to have a relationship!"
Grace: "It's not midnight, idiot."
Jackie: "I love the times we spend together."
BETTER KNOW YOUR GRISLY SAINT DEATHS
Grace: "This one had her throat cut. This one was skinned alive. And this one was rolled on hot coals. Martyrdom appeals to me, due to my role in this family. Also due to the fact that I am a needy, unpleasant basket case."
Jackie: "I don't foresee you getting less crazy doing shit like this."
Grace, cleverly: "It's not scary, it's our religion!"
Grace: "There are over ten thousand saints. If I don't memorize all of them and also count every floorboard in the entire house by sunrise, our entire neighborhood will burn down."
Kevin: "If I were a saint I would be Santa Barbara, because of my soap-opera good looks. Mental illness is clearly something I'm adept at overlooking. Let's make funny jokes and lighten the mood!"
Grace: "Honestly it's like we've never met."
Jackie: "If I were a saint I would be St. Theresa, the saint of stealing narcotics from epileptics who turn out to be devil-worshipping enablers."
Kevin: "I don't get that joke. Was that important?"
Grace: "[Even more crazy-person antics.]"
THAT ONE CHEERFUL COFFEE SHOP WHERE EVERYBODY IS COINCIDENTALLY IN RECOVERY
Devil: "My name is Bill, as in Friend Of Bill. Stop trying to scam me out of drugs."
LATER
Sam: "You're a Friend of Bill? What a great sponsor he is! Considering everybody he sponsors ends up dead or in this diner."
Jackie: "No, that would mean I was in recovery, which this show will never allow to happen."
Sam: "Apropos of nothing, here's a story about a lady who stole drugs off her boyfriend who was OD-ing."
Jackie: "I will steal that story later to pretend to be a human being; the irony of how I did that almost exact thing to Bill himself last season. Right now, I have to pretend to receive a phone call so you'll go away."
Sam: "It was nice being on this show for five seconds."
ALL SAINTS SIDEWALK