Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Do We Share the Same McDNA?
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.24.2002
Maddie is listening to the angsty girl pop stylings of Pink, who says she "wants to be somebody else." Aww, poor Pink. I thought she was trying to get the party started? What happened with that? Maddie asks why Ally is taking the one test that might make her leave. Ally says she wanted "something to hold in [her] hand that says" Maddie is "hers." A "guarantee that" Maddie "belong[s]" to her. Then, she turns Maddie over and plants a flag in her ass that says, "Property of Ally McBeal," and does the Dance of Rightful Ownership that all proud parents perform. Why, when my mom and dad took me home from the hospital, they were so happy that all my ten toes and fingers that belonged to them worked! And the hair on my head they owned? Was just so cute! Shut up, Sad Piano Player and the Wistful Tijuana Brass of Low-Key Moods.
Richard steps off the elevator, crushed and broken. How could Dame Edna not know that Gerry was a man, baby? Dame Edna says his voice sounded "lovely," and that she was only trying to help. Richard says his memory of losing his virginity is "tarnished," now that Gerry is a dude instead of a teenage girl. Richard: roll with it. It's got nothing to do with you. Except for the not-loving-women part. That might have a lot to do with you and Gerry. Richard asks that Dame Edna leave him alone, and she looks sad. Then he makes a tough-guy face and sternly says, "Don't. Help!" This is funny? No, no, it's not.
Ally's house, a.k.a. Grand Central Station. Bonnie opens the door to Ray, who's looking for Ally. Ally is busy, presumably with Maddie. Ally rushes up, and Ray accepts the position. Ally's happy about it. I could care less. Obi-Wan Bon Jovi pushes by them, and Ray comments on the activity in Ally's house. Yes, it's a regular boring old beehive with people full of stings, making honey. Ray leaves, and Ally faces Obi-Wan. He's just back from the old folks' home, where he was making out with Old Lady. The phone rings, and Ally ahems after she hangs up. It was the old folks' home, calling to tell Obi-Wan that Old Lady died. As if. Obi-Wan isn't too fazed. Ally asks how Obi-Wan can "care about somebody within minutes of meeting them." Obi-Wan leaves to go pay his "respects." When he exits, he passes Elaine, who has brought the "URGENT"-ly marked envelope from work to Ally's home, and wants to know if Ally and Obi-Wan are dating. Ally stammers, "No, no, no," takes the envelope, and is all, "See ya tomorrow!" Elaine asks if she'll open the envelope now, or if Elaine may come in for a snack. Ally closes the door on her face.