Episode Report Card 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Awakened
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on September 22, 1998
P3 After Dark. A huge crowd (natch) is assembled in front, walking backwards out the door so their looks of disgust aren’t registered on camera. Inside, "Typhoid" Piper Halliwell stands behind the bar, chopping up some strange prickly fruit while coughing into her hand. Ew. Phoebe "Kid in the" Halliwell walks into the bar, straight off the set of Ponette in her fuzzy pink poncho and matching purple polka-dot knit hat. Piper’s "so glad" to see her. Phoebe: "Because I can work tonight, or because I am now officially Phoebe Halliwell, registered college student?" She whips out her schedule to show Piper. Um, excuse me, but unless this is a community college she’s attending, Phoebe could not have just applied for admission, gotten accepted, and registered within one week. Whatever! At least she’s getting out of the house. Phoebe shows Piper her schedule because she’s "not sure what [she] should take." Piper notes that Pheebs has signed up for two general classes and seven electives. Phoebe admits that she’s "a little confused." Piper coughs up a loogie in response. Pheebs asks if she’s okay. Piper says she just has a little cough. Phoebe berates her for not taking care of herself in the last few days. Piper pooh-poohs her, and assures her sister that she’s doing fine, and so is the club, they’re making money. She asks her to take over chopping the fruit. Phoebe asks what is it is. Piper replies: "Kiwuano. It comes from South America. Great for mai tais. The bartender has a connection at the docks." Phoebe gapes. Piper assures her that "it’s fruit, not drugs." Phoebe, with the chopping knife her hand, starts gesturing with it in Piper’s face that she needs to rest, because "just because you’re a witch, does not mean you’re invincible." Piper: "Thank you, doctor." Phoebe: "Doctor Phoebe Halliwell. I like that." I don’t -- the girl couldn’t even control a butcher knife, let alone a scalpel. Piper laughs at Phoebe.
Buckland’s Auction House. Jack "Tripper" Sheridan and Prue "Frock" Halliwell examine a painting, assumed to be a Monet. Prue is impressed by the "delicate powdery interpretations, combined with great vigor and expressiveness." The hell? Jack is impressed by Prue’s ass, since that what he’s obviously examining as Prue bends over the picture. He banters: "Great vigor, huh? Randy little painter, was he?" Prue finds the "rounded smokestacks" in the painting to be unusual for the artist, though "beautifully rendered." Jack "has no complaints from [his] view, either." Prue turns around and gets her bitch on: "Is everything with you sexual?" Jack defends himself by saying that he "can’t help" thinking about Prue in that way, and he wants to know where he "stands" with her. The VP walks into the room before Prue can respond. He cracks the whip over them to provide authentification for the painting right away, because he already has eight potential buyers interested. Prue assures him that they’re "right where we should be. Don’t worry about us."
P3AD. Pheebs is following Piper around, berating her for not taking it easy. Piper believes that the club might be over the "occupancy limit" and starts throwing a little fit. We see a blurry POV shot of frat-boy two-stepping extras, and Piper collapses onto the floor. Phoebe demands someone to "call 911!"
Credits. Every time I see Greg Vaughan do that smirk, I want to poke his eyes out.
Leonardo Di Caprio in a hot romance with talented French siren Virginie Le Doyen? Why isn’t this flick called The Beard?
Hospital. In lieu of the usual establishing shots we cut almost immediately to Piper, lying unconscious on flattering hot pink sheets in a hospital bed, while Prue paces nervously by her bedside and Tori Amos caterwauls on the soundtrack. Prue’s wearing a very hideous lime green Ye Olde Renaissance Faire blouse (tm Sep) with a matching headband that’s not doing its job of keeping Shannen Doherty’s uneven bangs out of her eyes. Piper awakens. Prue greets her and grabs her hand. Piper doesn’t remember passing out; she asks what’s wrong with her. Prue says they’re waiting for her test results. Piper thinks she probably has something "trendy like mono or Epstein-Barr." Prue surprisingly doesn’t take this as a cue to ask Piper what year she thinks she’s in, and who the President is. Piper wonders where Phoebe is.
Hallway. Phoebe, still wearing her pink poncho and cap, is doing her best Aurora Greenway impression at the admitting desk. She raps the desk with her hand several times and calls loudly for the "Nurse Person." The Nurse Person looks at her. Phoebe tells Nurse Person to "get her sister’s test results that should have been in by eight, and it’s twenty past eight now." Nurse Person, to her credit, doesn’t give Phoebe the rough side of her tongue; she asks her the name of the patient. Phoebe responds, "Piper Halliwell." Nurse Person tells Phoebe to wait for Piper’s doctor, and he’ll tell her the news once he answers her page. Phoebe, ke