Episode Report Card Potes: A | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Right Ingredientses
By Potes | Season 3 | Episode 8 | Aired on 05.30.2011
Caroline figures that this is a good time to drop the news that Kathy came for a visit the other day. Maybe Caroline has her hair slicked back because she's fresh from her daily shave? Caroline tries to explain what happened with Kathy, but Teresa won't shut up and Caroline calls her on it. She instructs her to listen for a minute. I'm sure you can guess how that goes. Caroline says that everybody's talking in the Gorga family and nobody's listening. In response, Teresa talks. She goes into that thing again about how it's so hard to track Caveman Joe down because he's in construction. I mean, he does have a house and seems to be home every night to bone his wife. It can't be that hard to find him. Teresa is also busy and working. Caroline suggests that, if Teresa is so busy, that she should write Caveman Joe a letter. Jacqueline adds that Teresa should write one vitriolic draft, then rip it up and write something nicer. Teresa tries to explain that she's always nice. Alls she wants to say in the letter is that she loves Caveman Joe and wants them to be a family again, and what are you doing, wake up, you're hurting our children and parents. Caroline points out that the latter part might be construed as an attack. She adds that there's obviously an issue with communication. Teresa pipes in with a, "Not on my end." I mean, if anything the woman is clearly a master communicator. Jacqueline offers to help Teresa with the letter, which is the worst choice she's made after everything concerning Ashley.
And then, in case you thought you've heard Caveman Joe reach the apex of grossness, I give you this: "Now that I've had three babies, it's been a little rough. It hasn't been every night, but I've adjusted. You know when you get a big, white zit, and you just finally pop it and it shoots across the room? That's all that testosterone. I mean it's building up. It's all that poison -- that's poison in your body!" Everything he says is like poison in my mind, since I shall now forever associate male orgasms with popping a giant whitehead. Awesome.
After a break, Teresa heads to Jacqueline for help with the letter. She brought a bag full of stationary. Jacqueline plies her with wine. Teresa tells us that she and her brother could both hold grudges and never speak again. However, she's his older sister and obviously has more brains than him -- which, sadly, is probably a true statement -- and so she's going to reach out to him and hope that he reaches back. Teresa reads her draft so far to Jacqueline. It's basically a series of cave drawings, which seems like the right way to go. Jacqueline notes that every word in the thing is spelled wrong, and also that Teresa made no mention of Melissa in the whole thing. Teresa thinks that Melissa is the problem in the first place, and Jacqueline points out that Caveman Joe probably wants Teresa to take responsibility for some of this. Teresa says that Joe and Melissa are both stupid. But just as God forgives people, Teresa forgives people. She truly is the most Christlike figure on television today. If there were more people out there like Teresa, says Teresa, the world would be a better place, with friends greeting one another with an enthusiastic, "Is bitch better, prostitution whore?" It has all the right ingredientses for a Utopian scenario. Teresa is at Jacqueline's house for like a year. Her son is two by the time Teresa is done with the letter. Jacqueline tries to impart some emotional intelligence upon Teresa, to no avail. Finally, Jacqueline just keeps her opinions to herself in an effort to get Teresa the hell out of her house. Teresa does add that she's sorry if she hurt Caveman Joe and his family, which seems like a promising concession even if the "if" makes it technically a non-apology.