Episode Report Card Djb: B | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT SFU 406: The Apology
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 6 | Aired on 07.25.2004
Reverse Santa calls out a white, blonde, "All right, let's go," and makes for the front door. A phone rings just then, and an answering machine picks up, and we cut to a room down the hall to find a man tied to a chair with a strip of electrical tape across his mouth. Staring at him is a black-clad man with a gun -- let's call him Television Thief XY -- who points the pistol at the man's crotch (I don't know why, either) and then his head. A close-up shot I have to watch eight full times in order to fully reverse the calming effects of years' worth of post-parental-divorce therapy finds the bound man struggling to scream, but Television Thief XY is quick with the trigger. The bound man's head meets the white wall just behind him in a back-and-to-the-left kind of way, as The Television Thieves exit the house on their way to try and decode the NOC list before Ethan Hunt is sent to break up their espionage racket. Meanwhile, the answering machine picks up and we hear a woman leaving a message that she'll be home in "forty-five minutes or so," where she will discover that her husband, Robert Carl Meinhardt, made it from 1962 to 2004 before wandering into this ad hoc Gus Van Sant shot-by-shot remake of The Ref.
David "Get Crack To Where You Once Belonged" Fisher regards his square head in a mirror, dabbing his finger against the one scratch that remains on his face. That Jimmy Felon character must have a light touch with his kickin' boots (though not nearly as light in the loafers as David might have hoped, I'm just sayin'), because I'm pretty much thinking that the number of kicks David took to the head and chest should have landed him in the hospital and not in the cover-up section of the L'Oreal counter at his local CVS. Into the frame steps Keith "Shortest. Tour. Ever" Charles, who by his very entrance fails to answer the cosmic geography question of "Keith, how can we miss you if you won't go away?" He regards David worriedly, asking, "What are you doing?" David continues the face-painting ritual of his Gaylord of the Flies battle preparations, plot-developing for Keith, "Well, I can't go to work like this. The bereaved will freak out." From his invisible cuts and scratches. I can just hear the cries of "You're clotting too quickly, and my wife was killed by too much Vitamin K. I'm bereaved...and I'm freaking out!" Keith advises that David take a little more time off, but David shoots back, "Four days of daytime TV is my personal limit." Amateur. "If I see another triumph over weight loss, I think I'll kill myself." A "triumph over weight loss" is actually weight gain, David. And leave Starting Over out of this. Amateur.