Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT In This Dojo
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 01.30.2003
Lo'La heads across a planet's surface toward a geodesic dome, glowing, with fences and search lights all around. "You have all come to my dwelling to learn. Your objective is mental discipline," says Scorpius's friend, who is wearing a gray robe and the bridge of his nose goes all the way up his face. There are other men besides our guys, all wearing blue robes and listening to him on benches; Scorpius, as the fashion plate of Tormented Space, is not wearing the uniform. "To focus your whole mind on a single task is a skill few ever achieve." Especially with the Moya crew's chronic ADD. D'Argo cracks a joke to John and you can see their temples have been tinily Bedazzled.
"The taskchairs provide access to a mindscape, where you'll compete with an opponent. To the point of great pain." Rygel sighs, though it's not clear whether he's more irritated by the pain part or the smurfiness of a grown man saying the word "mindscape" in all seriousness. "Embrace the pain, and you shall succeed." Scorpius nods, like, "Word." This episode is like a forty-five-minute music video for the song "Scorpius Is Pretty Awesome (Y'all Are All Haters)." The dude warns them that retreat will earn them some "consequences." Welcome to every awful memory of P.E. you ever tried to forget. There's a fuckin' "mindscape" for you. The man shows them an open icosahedron, all lit up. Also the room is covered in lights that made the actors sick because they are everywhere, and basically the whole room is lights and wires and some benches. Inside the apparatus are the two taskchairs. "If you have any self-doubt, you have eighty microts to exit, after which your Juxtowi crystal will be activated." John touches his Bedazzling for our benefit. "Any attempt to leave and the crystal will bore through your brain." Emphasis on bore.
D'Argo whispers: "Do you think it's worth going through with this?" John -- again, for our benefit -- says it's worth it because the dude (Katoya) might be able to tell them something about the Skreeth, which killed DK and attacked the Crichtons and stole Christmas. "The creature you described is neither Peacekeeper nor Scarran in origin," Scorpius exposits, under his breath. "If it is from Tormented Space, Katoya will know about it." A mysterious dude in a gray robe enters with the hood around his face. Rygel asks why the frell Katoya won't just tell them, considering they paid the full fee for Man Camp; Katoya fully listens to them talking. Scorpius, also Bedazzled, explains that the price for this info is completion of the course itself. Which sounds stupid, but looking back, isn't even necessarily true, because it's Scorpius and he's got like five games he's running here, as usual.