Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Bring Me A Higher Love!
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 11 | Aired on 2003.01.05
First and foremost, kudos and huzzahs to both Wing Chun and Kim for shelling out wickedly awesome recaps whilst I was away in merry old London. You guys rock. No, really. You rock. No. REALLY.
Okay, so, previously on Alias: Syd and Marshall managed to steal something called "Echelon" from a computer in London, and Marshall managed to get his ass nabbed by The Sadistic Dentist Of Asian Persuasion. Will took a psych test that may or may not allow him entry into the CIA research department. Sydney met Vaughn and Alice McPlotPoint at some random bar, and Syd made googly eyes at Vaughn RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. You know, because they're super-secret spies and shit, and that's how super-secret spies keep their lurve lust hidden from their significant others. And Faye Dunaway showed up and terrified us all with her marbleized upper lip.
Seriously. Faye's scary.
We open up on some stock footage of a satellite orbiting the planet as Sydney voice-overs, "Some people think there's a conspiracy. That the government eavesdrops on everyone. It's no conspiracy. Right now, satellites and ground stations are listening in. Faxes, email communication, phone calls, are all routed to high-speed voice and optical recognition computers. They can analyze words spoken and written in any common language on Earth. The system's called Echelon."
Okay. I had to transcribe that because, seriously? I totally had no fucking clue what Echelon was. And I totally didn't care. I mean, it's been so bloody long since the last episode aired that, quite frankly, I'd forgotten the entire plot. But, you know, that's what recaps and videotapes are for so, like, it was simple enough to go back and fill myself in with Kim's kickin' recap. Know what? STILL DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ECHELON WAS. STILL DIDN'T CARE. Know why? BECAUSE THE WRITERS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ECHELON WAS EITHER. NOR DID THEY CARE.
And they still don't. Which is why, I'm assuming, they brought on The Expository Moment Of What The Hell Is Echelon Anyway. Thank GOD.
What was that? Oh, yeah. Still don't know what Echelon is. Still don't care.
Okay, so, Syd spills about Echelon to Will while they're hanging out in the Electric Ovary's kitchen, enjoying some strawberry shakes. Will's all, yeah, I already know about that. Sorry to ruin your little super-secret spy revelation. Oh, and way to breach all sorts of security and shit by just yammering on and on about some top-secret communication tool. Oh, yeah, and isn't Echelon illegal? "So, what, it's just like a computer that listens to and reads everything?" he finishes, slurping his shake.