Episode Report Card Erin: A | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Young Doctors in Lust
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 03.26.2005
As George tries to dig himself out of the gay hole (hee!), Cristina and Meredith ignore him, and, once their names are called, they all run off to meet Bailey. Once they see her, everyone is surprised that she is A) a woman, B) not a short little man dressed in khakis sporting a weird square moustache and a swastika on his arm. Izzie "Nosy Parker" Stevens practically skips down the hall and declares that perhaps Bailey is deemed "the Nazi" due to professional jealousy and maybe she's just really, really nice and likes pink puppies and parasols! "Lemme guess," says Cristina, "you're the model." Izzie shoots her a look and then chirpingly introduces herself to Dr. Miranda "Move It People!" Bailey, and Bailey just glares at her and then launches into the speech that will make me adore her forever and ever.
"I have five rules," she sneers. "Memorize them. Rule number one: don't bother sucking up. I already hate you. That's not gonna change. Trauma protocol, phone list, pagers, nurses will page you. You will answer every page at a run. A RUN! That's rule number two." Bailey walks off and the interns scramble to grab their protocols, lists and pagers. "Your first shift starts now," Bailey continues, "and lasts 48 hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies; bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop, and don't complain." The interns follow Bailey across the Bridge of Sighs and Whispers as a floating title informs us that this is Hour One of a forty-eight hour day.
Bailey takes her kids to the on-call room and tells them that the attendings hog it all the time and that they should sleep when they can, where they can. Which brings her to rule number three: Don't wake her unless their patient is actually dying. Rule number four, of course, is that the dying patient better not be dead when she gets there. Meredith tentatively raises her hand and brings up that Bailey mentioned five rules, not four. Bailey's beeper goes off and she said, "Rule number five: when I move, you move." They all traipse off after her as she runs toward the ER.
Bailey and the Fab Four meet a landing helicopter that contains one Katie Bryce, a young girl with seizures. Once in the hospital room, the interns muck about with poor Katie as Bailey barks orders at them. She finally stops seizing and Dr. Preston "I am Preston Burke, dammit!" Burke enters the room and tells Bailey that they need to "shotgun" Katie. That's rather harsh, don't you think? The girl's just having seizures, after all; no need to shoot the poor thing. Oh, silly me. "Shotgun" refers to giving a patient the full battery of tests that a hospital can give: CT, CBC, chem-7, tox screen, hibbity-jibbity, blue point oysters, whocka-whocka, Cuba Libra.