Episode Report Card Erin: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.11.2003
Agent Sean's all, why don't we just call the Kremlin and tell them what's up? Dix is all, because, FOOL. You do that, and what reason do we have for Syd and Vaughn to get dressed up and make lovey-lovey eyes at each other from across the room? Get with the program, SEAN. Sean's all, oh, right. Forgot about that. Sorry. Dix is all, well, that's okay, kid. But just to bring you up to date, I'm sending Syd and Vaughn to steal Medusa before Sark does. And I'm going to make sure to send along Mrs. Vaughn as well, even though there's no good reason to. And just for good measure, I'm going to send everyone away for an hour, just 'cuz I'm feeling saucy, and when everyone returns, I'm going to make up a reason for the Terrible Triangle to pay a little visit to Sloane. Howdya like THEM apples?
Personally, I DON'T like them apples, but then, I'm ALLERGIC to apples. Especially apples involving USELESS TRIANGLES AND EXPOSITORY DIALOGUE.
Little Shop Of Image Corrupters And The Spy Daddies Who Love Them. Some computer geek guy is telling Spy Daddy he can corrupt the image of Syd, but his parole officer might not like it. Jack just stoically hands over a wad of cash. Computer Geek's all, yeah, fuck my parole officer. But it's gonna take me a few days, dude. Jack's all, nice try. I need it by noon tomorrow. Computer Geek's like, dude, I'm a genius, not SIEGFRIED AND ROY. Jack just stares at him. Computer Geek suddenly develops an urgent need to be anywhere Jack isn't. Hee.
Conference Room of Endless Expositions. Dix, Syd, Vaughn, and Mrs. Elephant are arguing about the whole Sloane visit thing. Syd's all, oh, this just sucks. What is he now, Sensei Sloane? Every time we need something we just hop a plane to Zurich and bang his gong? Bicker, shout, snit -- this goes on for what seems like hours. Mrs. Elephant's all, we need access to the bunker, Sensei Sloane can get it for us. Oh, okay. Because THAT makes sense. Syd saddles up and once again gets right back up on her high horse. She's all, maybe you haven't been lucky enough to have firsthand dealings with that psychopath. Vaughn's all, um, yeah, well, she brokered his deal. So, like, neener neener neener. Syd's all, the what? In the what what? Mrs. Elephant's all, yeah, I was part of the team that arranged Sensei's pardon, what of it? Syd's all, oh, Jesus. As if I didn't already LOATHE you. You got my boyfriend, your accent sucks, AND you let Captain Cuckoo for Cocoa Nuts GO? Just drop DEAD already. A little bit more blah and a wee bit extra bleah, and finally, FINALLY, Dix orders all three of them to go to see Sensei on the Mountain. I have no idea what reason he gave for this. I don't care. I'm too busy watching the burning anvils fall from the sky as the camera pulls back and gives us a shot of Syd, Vaughn, and Mrs. Vaughn IN TRIANGLE FORMATION. Get it? Do you? IT'S A TRIANGLE. THEY'RE A LOVE TRIANGLE. GET IT?
Plane Of Awkward Moments And Atrocious Accents. Syd's sitting by the window reading How to Kill Your Boyfriend's Annoying Wife Without Getting Caught. Mrs. Elephant walks up and asks to sit down. She's all, dude? This situation sucks, right? Let's at least acknowledge that. Syd's all, man, I am DIGGING this spot on the carpet right about now. Mrs. Elephant's like, no one would blame us if we hated each other, right? Syd's all, no! They totally wouldn't! I hate you! Mrs. Elephant's like, I hate you too! Want some pretzels?