Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The final hour
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 24 | Aired on 05.20.2002
Back at the Palmer Suite, the press gathers outside, having just learned of Palmer's death. Lady Mac enters the office in her bad-ass fuchsia Pucci leisure suit and Toni Braxton 'do and starts to lecture Poor Man's Hume Cronyn and Palmer. "Since no one has seen a body, the media is circulating all kinds of rumors," she says, gesturing along with her manicured hands. I love it when she talks with her hands. You just know shit is going to fly. Palmer assures her that he'll come clean as soon as Kiefer's Spawn is safe. Lady Mac bitches about having to play the "grieving widow." "Just how long do we have to keep this charade up?" she bellows. Well, actually, Lady Mac, no more than an hour. Lady Mac tries to get Poor Man's Hume Cronyn on her side, but he just wants to keep out of it. "You came clean earlier today," she tells Palmer. "You got lucky. But it could just as easily gone the other way." Oh, whatever. She just needs another reason to defy Palmer in order to keep the storyline moving. Palmer lays down the law and tells her that Kiefer saved his life twice today, and he will not sacrifice Kiefer's daughter for his political career. Lady Mac tries to catch Poor Man's Hume Cronyn's eye for back-up, but he stares at his shoes. She exits.
Back at CTU, Mole Two: Electric Boogaloo is sitting at her Dell computer -- because villains always use PCs and good guys always use Macs -- preparing something treacherous, no doubt. Xander comes up behind her and asks if she's heard anything from Kiefer. Nina lies and says no. Or maybe she is telling the truth. I forget. Soul Patch calls out from across the room the news that highway patrol has picked up Spawn. Xander crosses over to Soul Patch's desk to take the call from the state trooper. He asks to speak to Spawn himself. Spawn is handed a phone in the patrol car backseat, where she is shivering in a blanket. Spawn warns Xander that Kiefer needs to know she's no longer captive, because he's headed for the Scooby Docks, where the Drazens have laid a trap for him. Xander asks her where the Drazens were hiding out. Of course Spawn doesn't know, so she puts him back on with State Trooper and Xander gets the info from him. Xander tells Soul Patch and Nina to get a couple of tactical units down to the Scooby Docks pronto. He also tells State Trooper to bring Spawn into CTU ASAP.
Meanwhile, the SeasonFinaleKiefmobile has reached the Scooby Docks with the smoldering one at the wheel. He gets a gun out of an aluminum case that also has a first aid kit inside it. That's not Nina's care package, is it? He lost that hours ago. Did the Drazens just give him a van with guns inside it? They are so stupid! Kiefer approaches the warehouse in a really sneaky way -- well, with the exception of those four or five minutes when he stands on a pier right under the streetlight and stares at the warehouse until his cell phone rings. He hides behind a pole and takes the call. It's FATB. Of course. He vants to know vot's taking so long. Kiefer tells him that he just got there. FATB asks Kiefer where he is. Kiefer refuses to divulge his location until FATB lets him speak to his daughter. FATB tries to stall him. Damn, I can't believe that we weren't just treated to a hilarious scene where FATB tries to imitate Spawn's voice in order to konvince Kiefer that they still had Spawn. FATB tries to threaten Kiefer some more and informs him that they know Palmer's not really dead. Kiefer says he won't meet them until he speaks to his daughter. They hang up. FATB tells TerrorHopper that Kiefer is not koming. But TerrorHopper assures FATB that Kiefer will, in fact, kome. Okay, what's with all this Drusilla-esque clairvoyance coming from Dennis Hopper? I mean, is he supposed to have powers, or is this just a detail placed there to freak us out a little? Because it's not working.