Episode Report Card Manimal: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Doppelganger
By Manimal | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.27.2001
Ambulance: chase, chase, chase. Jacquenod: "Get me closer!" Dixon: cut, cut, cut. Sydney: "Oh God!" Patel: "I have the worst insurance plan ever."
Just as the baddies get within range, Dixon rips the TNT out of Patel's chest and tosses it at the car. Of course, the car -- and only the car -- explodes. What happened to those 300 pounds of TNT, fellas?
"No way," Vaughn says. "Way!" says Sydney. More rowing on Lake Overlap: Vaughn asks if she fulfilled her countermission. Sydney says she was busy keeping Patel from blowing up. Uncomfortable silence. Out of nowhere, Vaughn gives Sydney her dad's CIA file, since she has a lot of questions about him. Why would he do that? Even on cop shows they always do that "I've left this file on my desk and now I'm going to the can" thing, and that's, like, just domestic cop stuff, not big-time spy stuff. Why would Vaughn let her take incredibly sensitive information out of the building? Michael Vartan really only has two facial expressions, and they're both getting on my nerves.
Credits. Blips.
University library. Sydney flips through her dad's file. Francie walks up. Sydney has to put the file away. Okay, just in case you turned spontaneously deaf or blind during the first four episodes of this crapfest, let's get this clear: Sydney is a SPY and has a SECRET LIFE that she must hide from THOSE THAT SHE LOVES. At this point, we're all beyond getting it. We've gotten it. We've had it firmly implanted in our neurons. I know the fact better than I know my Social Security number. Also, since when is Francie also a graduate student? Does this feel completely tacked on, or is it just me? Francie announces that she prepared the wrong chapter for class and that they're having a Halloween party.
Sydney and Francie walk as Sydney points out that she invited one of Charlie's friends in the hope of seeing Charlie again. Sydney stops as they see Will exiting a building, talking on his phone. Bradley Cooper's hair looks like a box of yellow marshmallow Peeps melted all over his head. Francie says maybe Will is there to talk about "the humiliating kiss." Sydney mutters at her not to call it that. Will walks up and says he's researching a story on the SATs. They tell Will about their party. Will asks if he has to dress up. Sydney: No. Francie: Yes. Will: That's confusing. Sydney's beeper goes off. Francie and Will joke about her time-consuming job. Ho ho ho, if only they knew! Maybe this show will end up like Bosom Buddies, where eventually the entire cast knew the main characters' "secret" and thus the whole premise of the show fizzled out like an old, bad Alka-Seltzer.
SD-6, The Land That Windows Forgot. Sydney, now wearing her usual black microfiber bank ensemble, sits and looks blank as Sloane fills them in on their next mission. The Ansel (or Hansel?) Corporation makes ibuprofen and other drugstore-type stuff. Would the Alias writers really name the business the Hansel Corporation? Is this a Zoolander shout-out? (He pronounces "Hansel" as "HAN-sell," rather than "Hansel and Gretel.") God, I hope so. I would suddenly have much more respect for them. They have economic ties going back to the Third Reich, "although they don't put that in the annual stock report," quips Sloane. He brings up a photo of a young Kevin Sorbo in a blond wig. Oh -- it's Yeron Schiller, one of HAN-sell's leading biotech engineers. He has access to HAN-sell's vaccine against biological weapons, and wants to trade it for passage to the US. Dixon points out that he lives in Berlin, and could take a cab to the airport. Aww, Dixon! Give him more lines.