Episode Report Card Sars: D | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Longest Day
By Sars | Season 3 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.02.2000
Okay, just in case, a quick culinary PSA: if you have Italians visiting you, do NOT bring them to the Olive Garden. It's about as close to genuine Italian cuisine as sushi.
Oh, God and sonny Jesus. Here we go. Again. Take four of Whine, Lola, Whine (tm Wing Chun), this time from Jen's and Andie's perspectives. Couldn't we have it from Bessie's perspective, or Grams's -- or the scenery's? "Oh, please, no, not more chewing, no, stop -- [chomp chomp chomp] -- OW OW OW! Oh God in heaven, help me! I know I'm just particle-board, but I want to LIVE! OW! [chomp chomp chomp] I can't take this much longer -- what's happening to meeeeeee? [chomp chomp chomp] A pox upon ye, Van Der Beek!" Anyhow, fade back up on Jen asking what she can say or do, Dawson basically blaming her and stamping off, and Jen slumping against the doorjamb and sighing. Henry comes out of the house and says, "So -- where were we?" Jen tells him she just "did the most awful thing," and Henry says it can't have been that bad, but Jen says she really screwed up -- she accidentally told Dawson "something he wasn't supposed to know" and hurt his feelings. Henry points out, rightly, that she didn't mean to, but Jen says it's still her fault, she's still the one who messed up. Henry responds to this by grabbing her face and planting a kiss on her, a reaction which reminds me of the bit in Bill Maher's stand-up routine about comforting a woman and getting a "grief-on," and Jen must have a similar thought, because she backs away, saying she doesn't know what Henry thinks he's doing, "but it's not helping matters any." Henry says she's not giving it a chance. Heh.
He tries to kiss her again, and she ducks out of his grasp again, saying, "I mean it." Henry says he's just trying to make her feel better; Jen says no, he's trying to make himself feel better. Henry asks, "What did I do that was so terrible?" Jen asks if he has any interest in what just happened between her and Dawson, and Henry says maybe he doesn't: "Maybe I want to put us before whatever little mini-drama you and your friends have whipped up this week." HA ha! Go, Henry. Jen doesn't agree, narrowing her eyes and telling him to leave. Henry protests that she's "being irrational," but Jen insists on booting his "horny freshman ass," and he clomps off while she fumes. Sorry, Jen, but of all the many reasons to kick Henry to the curb, his lack of interest in Dawson's bruised ego doesn't even make the list.
A shot of the full moon. Will, rowing. Andie, perking. Sars, injecting Vivarin intravenously. Will tells Andie the story of Orpheus and Eurydice in a manner so annoying that I can't shift myself to transcribe it, except to note that anyone referring to Orpheus as a "kick-ass musician" should get drowned in a boot. Long story short, Will waxes pretentious and Andie is captivated. Nnnnnext!