Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lesson Eleven: The Smartness Is In The Science!
By Jacob Clifton | Season 6 | Episode 11 | Aired on 03.31.2007
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Well, the sweet, funny, touching boardrooms couldn't last forever, I guess, but damn, that was a yucky, sad way to go out. Task: design a supplement for the L.A. Times about a new mouthwash. Heidi-led Kinetic of course takes the opportunity to dress up in costumes, while Arrow -- with Tim hanging on by his fingernails -- creates a confusing novella about people in bathrobes, with occasional science, which confuses even the executives. Kinetic's reward: Kristine's equally hot and futuristic French husband Ludo cooks for the other girls and their moms; Heidi and her mom reveal a much longer, harder history with the stuff they choose to gloss over. Suffice to say I now love Heidi Androl like a sister, rather than my secret TV girlfriend. Then right after the reward, everything goes to hell. I've gotten up on my soapbox about this show many a time, and taken it seriously more times than I should, so I want to be clear: this show made me very sad tonight. Not "sad for America" or even a "corporate weasels and Olympians please stop being afraid and learn to live" superiority thing, but like actual tummy-hurting "I really like these people, and this sucks ass" kind of sadness.
So. Having laid down with themselves, Arrow finally wakes up with fleas. James points fingers at Tim, for having the big idea that went south, and Frank, for pulling a James and wigging out about the concept at the last second. Everybody attacks Tim in the boardroom for his quasi-alliance with Nicole, not least because they're sick of hearing and/or worrying about it. Tim responds admirably for awhile, because he knows he's getting dogpiled, but then abruptly turns awful and the claws come out. Stefani stays the hell out of it, only speaking up to quietly defend Frank, and even James's slimy wordplay is no worse than usual, but Tim hurts Frank's feelings so bad and so often that the rest of it is just hateful from both sides. Not even Frankie comes off as bad as Tim, and it's so sad because Tim's not even actually trying to be a dick, it's just his whole point: I'm better than stupid Frank. Trump and Ivanka take the "we don't want to hear about Nicole drama" approach, which causes Tim to lose his mind. So Frank's frothing in one corner about how Tim is being a petty jerk, and Tim's bouncing up and down hatefully about how he's getting cornered, and they're both right, and everything's totally wrong, and then Tim cries in the limo after his cobra, I don't even wanna think about it. It was a regrettable bloodbath, and nobody won, and everybody loses, and next week things get uglier: Six people left, with only one task before the Final Two. Do the math. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Immediately previous, Hanson shows up on Briefcase Or No Briefcase, a show that makes less sense every week. It seems to be about guessing numbers and random and then letting a guy with a spreadsheet dick with you and make you question your ability to guess numbers properly. It's not that I hate America, so much as find America really confusing sometimes.
Previously on this show, which makes all too much sense most of the time, Angela came and went with neither bang nor whisper, just a lot of dreams surrounding her that had nothing to do with reality and everything to do with Trump's feelings about, like, America. Which he finds really confusing most of the time, so he just makes things up. Angela couldn't think of a thing to say, as usual, and then Nicole thought she was so damn cute.
Back at camp, as the Kineticists come back without Angela, Tim's all yelling over the hedge about "Who's that? Who's that?" You see, his girlfriend is in danger even though he cheated and told her that James was gunning for her. Kristine and Heidi apologize for ousting Nicole, hilariously -- "She was an easy scapegoat" being the best line -- and he gasps dramatically, but then starts yelling like Leo in Gilbert Grape about how she's really there, guys. Heidi's like, "Nicole's little stunt in the boardroom, while idiotic, was also all about Tim. We don't... need Tim? For anything in particular? So that was kind of all about the Nicole show and, like, if he's loyal. If he really likes her." She laughs about how they're in high school, but she knows it is not that funny. Over the hedge, they give him the goose-eye view about how Trump wants him dead for being disloyal and how it was all Trump talked about. Which is hilarious, because you know Tim can't handle that. Kristine takes it up a notch, letting him know how Trump told Nicole to dump him. Tim's like, "Bastard! I have to prove myself! Again!" I think this is where Tim convinces himself that this is a movie about his life and not his actual life. It's the only way I can make sense of what we're about to see for the next hour.
So James is disgusted in like all directions after Nicole's little display, and comes in huffin' and puffin' and telling everybody to take a seat. Tim's gone completely moronic, and he's all, "What happened? Can I be in the meeting?" And James is like, "Motherfucker, do you want to hear this?" Stupidly, he does; he nods his head like a golden retriever. James tells them all about how Nicole made an ass of herself and also Tim, acting as a sort of ass-proxy. James asks Tim if he and Nicole ever discussed that stupid concept which makes no sense and only goes to prove that these people have lost their minds. Tim is like, "Instead of pointing out that this question makes no sense, because of how simple long division works, I will talk about my deep love for Nicole, because it is all I know how to talk about, because I have lost my mind." He tells them that he is sad to be on a different team from Nicole, due to loneliness or some shit, and that he loves Arrow though too, so you see it's very complicated. (Tim: It is not actually complicated. You just sound nuts.) Tim points out how by doing nothing at all -- as far as his teammates know -- he has been marked as disloyal by both Nicole and Arrow, not to mention Donald Trump, the moral authority of the world. "That's fucked!" he says. He is not wrong. Then everybody suddenly starts screaming wildly about nothing at all.