Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tear Off Your Own Head
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 06.14.2011
LULEB
Caleb: "What a long journey we have taken together, exploring the landscape of America and also our growing bodies. Thanks for paying for the hotel since I only use the barter system and cybercrime to pay for things."
Lucas: "Technically it was a motel."
Caleb: "Technically, it was a dream come true."
Smooooooch.
Lucas: "Please don't go back to dicking Hanna around. Let's make this work."
Caleb: "Things were... So much simpler on the road."
Lucas: "Don't be a stranger, okay?"
Caleb: "Like I ever could quit you."
THERAPY
Anne: "Seems like without Alison you guys wouldn't even be friends."
Liars: "Yeah. Or getting murdered on a constant basis."
Anne: "But you're all still close."
Liars: "Yeah, now we are. For about a year we ignored and hated each other."
Anne: "So what happened? You can trust me."
Liars: "We got back together when they found her body, and the shit hit the fan."
Anne: "Look, I'm not like a regular authority figure, I'm a cool authority figure. Unlike every other adult in Rosewood, you can trust me."
Aria: "Guys, should we tell her about the ninja ghost of you-know-who?"
Phones: Immediately start beeping; presumably A texting those bitches to cram it, ASAP.
Anne: "You're looking at your phones like they're going to murder you. Are your phones haunted?"
Turns out it's just their moms telling them to come home from therapy and not go do any murders or blackmails or anything in between. Outside, Spencer spots Toby... And Jenna, creep-croppin' her way down the lane. Everybody's wearing the most adorable peacoats.
Emily: "Guys, check out the newspaper! It says that Ian left town with a huge sum of money in his car, and that we knew he left and that's why we covered for him... With our crazy bell-tower strangulation/disappearance story."
Which makes literally no sense, but whatever. Rosewood.
Spencer: "I can't help thinking this is just the universe's way of fucking me over on Melissa's behalf, again, forever."
A: That's right, I now have control of the media. Dance, monkeys!
THE INCREDIBLE MARIN HOUSE, WHICH I HAVE MISSED ON A NEAR-NOEL KAHN SCALE TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST
Hanna: "Hey Mom, I went crazy shopping before therapy, okay?"
Ashley: "That's cool because we're totally poor. Oh, I have something to show you. It's our pet gypsy werewolf."
Hanna: "Aw, crap."