Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Boy Meets Girl
By Niki | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.20.1999
We've no time to ponder, however, as Jake rushes importantly into the office, loudly demanding to know where Grace is. And cracking me up with that stupid haircut, which apparently wasn't just a historical effect for the flashback. Thank god that 'do went the way of the "living memories" bullshit, too, and won't be seen on another episode. Lily stands up and starts to tell him where Grace is, but he just blows right past her. Grace comes rushing out of the nurse's office, apparently not too crippled to go running into daddy's arms. Lily turns and shoots Rick a look like, "See? Do you see what I have to put up with?" He rewards her with a sympathetic expression. Gracie continues playing sucky wiff daddy, who leads her back into the nurse's office. Rick tells Lily, "Your daughter looks like your husband." Sure, except for the hair, eyes, and every other feature, she's the splitting image of Jake. "Ex-husband. Sort of," Lily says before disappearing into the nurse's office. Rick looks particularly elfin as he grins to himself and stares after her. Ricky likey.
The mood changes pretty quickly as we cut to the principal's office, where Eli, Rick, and Karen are seated across the desk from the woman. She smiles and tells Eli that his reading problem is such a common one, and he's already made such progress, that she sees his current grades as a minor setback. She's sure he can overcome it with a little extra effort. Eli admits that he "just gets a little distracted." The principal asks about the custody arrangement, and Karen and Rick start to speak at once. They laugh nervously and then Karen explains that Rick has the kids on weekends and one night through the week, and she has them the rest of the time. The principal inquires whether they stay on top of Eli's homework, but she focuses her attention on Rick, which I think is a little sexist. Rick says that he and Eli have a "great relationship. [They] communicate really well." The pole in Karen's ass starts to splinter, and she speaks up to say, rather condescendingly, that they do "on most subjects." Like she's an authority on what they talk about when she's not around. Rick, showing signs of strain, insists, "No, we really understand each other. He and I have our own bond." Karen leans down from her high horse to explain to the principal that "Rick is very involved with Eli, and that's great, but it's easy for things to slip by, that's all." It's interesting how she doesn't think things slip by her, especially considering she didn't know that Eli was failing, either. Rick is adamant that the "important" things don't slip past him, but Karen insists that yes, even the important things do. As they wage their little pissing contest and hurl their verbal grenades, the principal's head swivels between them like she's watching a dysfunctional tennis match. Somehow they think they're pulling off "civil" because they're sporting tightly clenched smiles. The principal steers the conversation back to Eli, asking him if he's willing to put the "distractions aside" and do the extra work that's needed. Eli says he hopes it doesn't mean he has to give up sports. Rick puts a hand on Eli's shoulder, saying he doesn't think that's what it means. Karen leans across Eli like she's going to peck Rick and snaps, "I think whatever it takes, we have to do it." Rick looks stung, as if she actually did peck him. Karen tells Eli, "It's not your job to see the big picture" and, sending Rick the stink-eye, adds, "But your parents have to." In the midst of this verbal spanking, Rick gets sucked into a grainy, super-eight flashback of him and Karen making hot, sweaty monkey love. There are so many horrific elements I don't even want to get into it, but I do have to say that the Rickster and the shag do not mix well. Meanwhile, the principal says it's too early to tell if Eli will have to give up sports. Jarred back to reality, Rick catches himself staring at Karen like he's never seen her before. Granted, she does seem like a totally different person than the one in the '70s sex capsule. He looks away uncomfortably, and Karen casts her eyes to her lap. She almost seems to sense what was going through his mind a moment ago.