Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 8 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Veronica Mars...
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.21.2004
Fire house. Veronica asks some dude if the Chief is around. Said chief appears, greeting her as "Smokey the Barely Legal." Hee. She asks him if he made the switch, and he hands her an envelope with a "fait accompli." Oh, come on. A fireman who knows French. Like I'm going to fall for that. Just excuse me for a second while I get some water.
VMVO...okay, seriously? We can figure out that your dad still has friends in high places for ourselves. Enough already. Veronica pulls up a license plate from a motel picture and picks up the phone. She fakes being "Inga," who must be the German woman from the sheriff's office, and tells a "Tony" that their computer system is down, and asks him to run a plate for her. He does, and reports that it belongs to one "Leanne Mars." Oy. Take your unicorn music box and stick it where the sun don't shine, bitch.
Sometime later, Keith comes out of his office and asks Veronica if she wants to go to a movie. Veronica pointedly asks him to explain again why they're dropping the Kane case. He tells her that he ran the plates, and that it's corporate espionage stuff, which is too dangerous for them. Veronica looks crushed. She declines the movie, and bustles out. It's rough when your parents are two entirely different kinds of lying scumbags.
Veronica goes to see Inga, who warmly greets her. Inga says, "I haven't seen you since...since...." Since you last stuffed your clog all the way down into your throat? Veronica graciously agrees that it's been a while, and asks where a certain case is being held. After she learns the answer, she turns to go. VMVO: "The last time I was here? Come on, Inga. That's easy."
We return to the flashback from earlier, as Veronica finishes up the Marathon of Shame. When Inga sees her, she concernedly asks her what happened. Veronica says she needs to report a crime. Cut to the sheriff from earlier, who sneers that he doesn't have a shred of evidence to arrest anyone, "but that really doesn't matter to your family now, does it?" He makes fun of her for crying (although that could be because she's crying from the wrong place again), and tells her to go see the wizard as well. Okay, we already knew that this guy is the jerkiest jerk in Jerkopolis, so I'm not going to waste time lambasting him for treating the victim like a criminal. Nor am I going to make a big deal out of the weird Wizard of Oz references, because despite Lily's murder, this is not Twin Peaks, and I would like the owls to be what they seem. However, I have heard, and correct me if I'm wrong, in cases of rape that involve penetration, and it is heavily implied that this is one of those, there's a little factor called "DNA evidence" that can be used to solve them. Now, if he were to tell me that that's not possible in this case for whatever reason, I'd let it go. But since he didn't, I'm going to bring West Side Story into the age of Six Feet Under and say: "Hey, Officer Fuckface, FUCK YOU!" Really.