Episode Report Card Lady Lola: D- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Reunited, And It Feels So... Gawd!
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 03.22.2012
Paffrath wonders if Sitch really considers himself the bad guy of the house. Amazingly, he claims he doesn't and is all, "You guys don't think I am, do you?" Seriously, dude? You spent more than a season talking yourself up as some diabolical, ticking-time-bomb villain -- on camera -- and now you're asking for vouchers about what a good soul you are? I've never been a pill popper, but I'm pretty sure that you at least remember some things, right?
Ronnie snarks, "It's surrounded by ice, but you do have a heart." Cue a package on the summer on Sitch's discontent: First there was Pauly's personalized birthday cake (and none for Sitch, whose birthday was a day earlier), then the time everyone raged on Sitch for basically taking a walk, and finally the time his penis came out to deliver Hamlet's soliloquy. Snooki, JWOWW and Deena want Sitch to simply acknowledge that he's a major asshole sometimes, but he truly seems to be operating under some unshakable belief that he is a faultless angel -- despite hours and hours (and hours!) of footage to the contrary. Vinny sums it up most succinctly: "Mike is hard to live with." He also says that, "Sometimes the biggest villains have the biggest hearts." Like, hearts so big they dominate all the blood flow, so that it can't go to their brains? Because I'm pretty sure that's what Sitch is working with.
At a certain point, Sitch realizes the tides are not in his favor, so he leaves the stage altogether. JWOWW insists the roommates aren't "being negative toward him" and just want to make him "a better person." Well there's your fundamental failure right there, my friend. Paffrath sends JWOWW out to chat with Sitch and asks the others if this is what they imagined what happened. They of course insist they didn't want to drive Sitch away -- which I actually believe. Because they're fucking idiots. Any normal, reasonable person would want to drive Sitch away. Ronnie says, "He's just crying out for attention." That phrase strikes a little too close to home, if you ask me. If this shit turns into an intervention, I am O-U-T.
Speaking of which, JWOWW clomps outside in her icky yellow lace-paneled satin dress and her clunky shoes to find Sitch. She tells him all the others want is recognition for caring about him and some sign that he cares about them, too. Yeah. That's what this is about. Feelings. Uh huh. She wonders how they'll ever all live together again if he keeps being such a hard-headed douche. Then dollar signs appear in both their eyes, and they're all, "Oh yeah." Sitch acts all dramatic, as is his role, and she plays the peacemaker, as is hers. [Note: This segments plays out eerily like a scripted "behind the scenes" scene typically seen on WWE Smackdown but with no payoff whatsoever. -- Rachel.] Commercials.