Episode Report Card Manimal: B | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Truth be told -- over and over again
By Manimal | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.29.2001
Some generic "sneaking through the back alleys of Taiwan" stuff. One funny part is when some Rico Suave passes by Sydney as she's trying to break into a car (she immediately stops, of course) and deliberately blows smoke in her face. So she steals his car instead. Haw!
Anyway, the Mansion of the Mueller Project. Sydney's trying to break into the ambassadorial residence or wherever the hell it is where she took all those fancy photos. She looks cute in her little black outfit, although I'm thinking at this point it would be a good idea to shove her screamingly red hair under a cap instead of leaving it all hanging out. Note to Costumes: she has a great body. Please don't put her in any more outfits that make her look like Lypsinka. The Techno Of Extreme Tenseness pulses.
Sydney climbs, she jumps, she rolls, she breaks into the building. She picks the locks with her...uh, well, her lock-picks, I guess they're called, and one breaks off.
Cut to the Taiwanese Interrogation Chamber. Sydney's mouth is bloody. Eww. Generic Asian Bad Guy drags up a chair and does his Generic Asian Bad Guy thing. He tells Sydney to spill, or no more pain meds for her. He rasps, "Tell me [who you work for] and you get one more." Sydney mutters something, and she sounds totally broken. He tells her, louder. She says she can't. More menacing stuff. He leans in close to get really menacing, and she head-butts him viciously. The Foley guys did a great job with the sound here -- it sounds fabulous. Sydney looks up, meek no more, and then she -- or the stuntperson who did this -- must have incredible abs, because she does a flip in the chair and imprisons GABG under its legs. Wow! Were there wires on that chair? That was pretty hot.
Sydney knocks GABG out cold, steals his keys, and uncuffs herself. She menaces him with the pliers, but then goes straight for the balls. Haw! That's my girl. Two guards enter, and they fight, and it is s-l-o-w. The poor extras seriously just stand there, waiting their turns to get their asses whooped. My God. Couldn't any of the fight choreographers manage to view a John Woo movie or two and see how it's really done?
Sydney runs off and shoots her way to the McGuffin -- er, I mean, "the Mueller Project." She shoots, she breaks and enters, and finds the Mueller Project -- which looks like a big black horseshoe-ish type thing with a red ball rotating and suspended in the middle that belongs in a commercial for the Ponds Institute of Skin Care, but whatever. Fighting, fighting, guns, guns, lab blows up, Sydney gets away, blah. Some complaint rock plays as she escapes.