Episode Report Card M. Giant: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mo' Money, Mo' Problems
By M. Giant | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 06.14.2006
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Aw, everyone wants a piece of Cameron. Beth wants to have a baby with him, but when he shoots that down she runs off in a snit. To Paris. With Nina. And then Peter wants Cameron to buy the local factory with him so they can build bicycles together. Peter fails to zip off to Paris when that doesn't fly either. In other news, Damien throws a party in his hotel suite, and Frankie learns that he's married and gets drunk. Galina's acting sketchy about the money, but Damien gets generous when he finds out that she's trying to take care of her family back home (supposedly). Maggie doesn't do much besides shoot off her mouth off to some news cameras. Kimberly's kid's school sucks, so Kimberly decides to throw a bunch of money at it. But then someone else tries to lay a claim on Kimberly's share of the winnings, apparently tying up the whole $386 million wad. And Cameron actually does something that someone wants him to; the chick with the paternity claim turns out to be not only lying, but a down-and-out drug addict. The kid's real, though, and even though the little boy isn't Cameron's he brings him home anyway. Okay, the kid's cute, but come on. Sean and Zoe go through a bunch more tedious song-and-dance with each other about trust and shit while buying off/blackmailing Sean's ex-partner-in-crime, Jeremy. And then they have some more sex and make up. But then Zoe disappears from her apartment, leaving signs of a struggle. For some reason, Sean looks worried instead of relieved at the thought of all the time he doesn't have to spend calming her down any more. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
A stack of bills pours out of an ATM machine in close-up, like someone stuck a winning lottery ticket directly into the card slot. And then Kimberly the Ex-Pizza Lady is being interviewed on the news. "Can you describe the feeling of winning all those millions?" the reporter asks. Kimberly does so by abruptly bursting into tears. So do I, but for different reasons.
Peter and Nina are also being interviewed in front of their house. Peter says that he can fix the porch now, and Nina nervously gropes the microphone as she blathers about being able to pay for school field trips and tuition for their kids. "I can take care of my family now," Peter says. "Is that a great feeling or what?" Especially in light of the fact that your wife won by playing the birthday of your best friend, her ex-boyfriend, on the night you saw them talking intensely. That's how you know angels are at work.
Some curly-haired geek is still pulling money out of an ATM. He's clearly been there a while, because there's a line forming behind him. He'd better hope none of those people are strapped.
The reporter ambushes Cameron and Beth as they're getting out of their car. They clearly aren't so thrilled to be on the telly, but Beth is a little more gracious about it than Cameron. Not by much, though.
And now we see what the story is with the guy at the ATM machine, as he gets his turn in front of the news cameras. Remember how there are twenty winners, and we only met about half of them? Here's one we haven't met. He was emptying out the ATM machine in order to have a bunch of bills sewn into a suit jacket, in which he's now appearing on the news. And I don't mean sewn into the lining; I mean he's got a suit jacket made out of twenties. Of course, it's illegal to show real money on TV, which is why Andrew Jackson looks more like John Lithgow in the close-up. Aside from the crime of defacing American currency, the guy has compounded his fashion crime by having the bills arranged horizontally instead of vertically, which would have been much more slimming. And so then the moron gets ready to light a cigar wrapped in another bill. We're supposed to believe that this dorkwad was at a party with Jason Gedrick and Luke Perry? Funny how such a loser became such a big winner, which, of course, only turned him into an even bigger loser.
Among a crowd of other students at his school, Damien's being asked by the news reporter whether he plans to continue his education. Damien smirks, "Absolutely. Just not in school." Frankie admiringly looks on from a distance, hanging with her homies. Because spoiled, rich dropouts are hot.