Episode Report Card LuluBates: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Kim Possible
By LuluBates | Season 2 | Episode 9 | Aired on 06.28.2010
Caroline has the sads over her empty nest. Albert suggests she gets a job, but um... no. So she counter suggests that he quit his. He blinks at her twice to indicate no. Then Caroline DEMANDS that Albert retire, but he won't do it. He does offer to buy her lunch though.
Ashley stops by Kim D.'s store because Kim D. wants her to model in the Posche fashion show. Ashley gets some clothes thrown at her and then confesses that she has always thought of modeling as a viable career option because she is tall. And apparently that is the only requirement. (Don't tell Tyra!) Ashley wonders why Danielle's actual model daughter isn't walking the runway in a New Jersey catering hall. Hmm... maybe because Christine's an actual model with an actual agent and an actual contract with IMG? Maybe? Ashley views her Posche modeling job as some sort of victory over Danielle. Whatever you need to tell yourself sweet pea!
Teresa and Jacqueline are trying to lose some baby weight, but they give up and drink wine. Teresa reminds us that she has a lot of sex with Joe, so if riding a slab of mortadella counts as cardio, she is totally good.
Obviously Kim D. can't lose her valuable friendship with Danielle. And Danielle is ready to move on, too. She is so full of positivity and light and happy places that she can't focus on negativity, she's too busy! Doing stuff! Like storming in to stores and yelling at underpaid employees for daring to be on the phone in her presence! Kim D. begs Danielle to please come to her fashion show. It's at a country club! Danielle agrees to come to the show, but the second she hangs up with Kim D. she laughs that Kim D. has no idea the amount of crazy she just invited to her fashion show. I don't think Danielle is that self aware, so I assume she is talking about the "other" Danielle. The crazy one she sees in the mirror late at night after too many Skinny Girl margaritas and some failed phone sex with a plate of Jimmy Dean sausages she calls Danny. Danielle reminds us that since the fashion show will be held in Wayne, New Jersey, her home base, she knows she will be safe. No one would hurt her in Wayne! It may be a 20-minute drive from Franklin Lakes to Wayne, but it's a whole different world in Wayne. It's Wayne's world. Oof... sorry.
Jacqueline and Teresa are continuing on their road to losing their baby weight by drinking something called a Butter Baby. Want the recipe? Of course you do. Here it is courtesy of Jacqueline's tweet: "Butter baby is equal parts( 1 shot each) of Baily's, butterscotch snapps and milk over ice. Yummmmmm!!!" Obviously, sic. Also, sick. Also also, clearly dietetic.
Caroline arrives at the Manse and Jacqueline fixes her a shot before telling her the big news: The shots have 2600 calories each! And they are going to a fashion show and Danielle will be there! Whee! Caroline points out that there are two possible outcomes for this event: Danielle will be all sweetness and bluebirds and unicorns (unicorns, motherfuckers!) because there is an audience OR she will rain down hellfire, brimstone, and square-titted fury. Either way, win win! Jacqueline lays out the other thorny issues: Kim D. is sitting with her and Teresa, Kim G. is sitting with Danielle, Danielle does not know that Kim G. and Jacqueline drink spritzers at the manicurist together. Final problem: Ashley is modeling and Danielle may be seething with envy that her precious Christine is too busy modeling Prada in Milan to bother showing up at the North Jersey Country Club. Danielle might use her jailhouse lessons to make a shiv out of a teaspoon and take Ashley down. These are the things a New Jersey mother has to worry about! Caroline tells Jacqueline to mother up and bring one of her husband's semi-automatic weapons just in case, for sporting purposes. Jacqueline is still having doubts about going, but Caroline reminds her to live her country club fashion show life and don't let Danielle ruin that for her! Because life without New Jersey fashion shows is a life NOT WORTH LIVING.
Kim G. shows up at Danielle's house, but, AWKWARD! She forgot her pants. No really, it's a fifty something woman wearing a sparkly shirt and boots. Danielle is wearing high high heels because she won't be doing any running. Kim G. totally catches that double entendre and Kim G. promises that Danielle will be as supported as her derriere in double layer Spanx. They hug and I avert my eyes to avoid seeing any more of Kim G.'s ass than I already have. Good lord woman put on some damn pants!
Over at the country club, Ashley is bragging about her foray into modeling. She is totally willing to sacrifice either her music management or fashion merchandising career to be a model. She's tall! She can't possibly deprive the fashion world of her height. Or her very round, soon-to-be Pro Active spokesmodel face. Ashley hopes she doesn't trip! Because then Danielle would win! Ashley has strict orders from her mother not to engage with Danielle on any level, which sounds like pretty boring television to me!
It's fashion show time! Kim G. and her event designer have done up the place in hot pink and black like it's the backdrop to a Jem and the Holograms reunion tour. Kim G. walks around barking orders at people and making sure everyone sees her new boobs. She settles at her table next to Jacqueline and Teresa because they are the most famous people in the room and wants to make sure people think she is famous too. Jacqueline and Teresa have both opted to wear mini jackets made from the fur of baby animals. Teresa is wearing the hand-stitched skins of chinchillas that she bought from Kim G.'s store, while Jacqueline is wearing a seal pup Chris clubbed to death during his last hunting trip to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Kim G. swears they are all going to have SO much fun even though she invited Danielle. Teresa doesn't quite get WHY she invited Danielle when she claims to dislike her so much, but Jacqueline gets it. Kim G. is a famewhore. Duh.
Danielle finally arrives with a bohunk of a bodyguard who has pinkysworn not to call anyone a faggot like Jailbird Danny. Danielle and Kim D. sit down and immediately notice that Kim G. has both Jacqueline and Teresa at her table. Danielle assumes this was an attempt at treachery by Teresa and Jacqueline, not a shot at fame for Kim G. Danielle can't stand the rude! Other Danielle might have to come out! You wouldn't like Other Danielle!