Episode Report Card Deborah: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "Anonymous" Was A Woman
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.29.2004
Credits and commercials. Promo for The O.C.. Man, it's comical to see Mischa Barton's face practically in the same frame as Amber Tamblyn's. Mischa Barton makes Tori Spelling look like Vanessa freaking Redgrave. But I'm shooting fish in a barrel. And here's this Post Banana Nut Crunch commercial with this quasi-Jamie Oliver asshole. Like Jamie Oliver isn't annoying enough. We need sorry imitators?
Okay. The police storyline in this episode felt entirely unnecessary and was mercifully minimal. We won't be spending much time on it. Roy gives Will and Toni and assignment to apprehend a cuckolded guy trying to arrange for the contract killing of his wife. There's a third guy, Carlyle, who will be acting as the hitman in the sting. Frink thinks he's very Gary Oldman-ish, but I don't really see it. Will makes a remark about their video getting on Cops, which causes everyone to stare at him. Will: "Love that show."
Yearbook office. Helen's advising the yearbook editor, Brian, who appears to be exactly what Daniel Radcliffe will be if he grows up to be an insufferable, anal-retentive, Type A nerd in a sweater vest. With curlier hair. He yatters on about the deadlines as he fusses nervously with a nonexistent piece of lint on his orange (yes, orange) sweater vest. Annoyed, Helen finally intercepts his hand and pats it, saying he can relax: "The lint is gone. You're gonna rip a hole in your sweater." Joan walks in, and Helen immediately wants to know if everything's all right. Joan: "Mom, please. I'm just here to volunteer for the yearbook." Helen has that "Now what?" expression on her face. Brian: "Mrs. G's offspring. Excellent, excellent." He introduces himself as Brian Beaumont, Editor-in-Chief. His enthusiasm causes Joan to say, "Gee, I'm doing well and I haven't even gotten to work yet." Joan indicates her mother should vamoose, so Helen complies. Brian wants to know how Joan intends to contribute; what her "thing" is. Joan rambles, saying that her thing is whatever he needs. He needs a photographer: "Can you take photographs?" Joan: "Oh, I must be able to." Brian looks slightly puzzled, and Joan says, "Yeah, yeah, sure." It's interesting how usually Joan's first reaction to anything God wants her to do consists of resistance and refusal, but this time, she seems to think that just because she whined for a thing and God pointed her to the yearbook, she's not going to have any problems. Brian suddenly calls Iris's name. She emerges from another room in a plastic apron, as Brian tells her to give the new recruit a camera. Iris looks dismayed to see she's going to have to deal with Joan, but attempts to be polite and professional about it. Brian: "So you two know each other? Iris is an excellent photographer." Joan repeats to herself quietly, "Excellent!" Brian says they need some candid shots and pictures of various clubs by the end of the day. He goes off to get a list. Iris hands Joan a camera and its manual, along with a baleful look. Joan asks, "Is this gonna be weird?" Iris: "No." Joan: "Cool." Iris says she didn't know Joan was into photography. Joan, as she fiddles cluelessly with the camera: "Me? Yeah." Iris tries to suppress a smirk as she offers, "If you need any help with the camera…" Joan dismisses this: "This baby is a snap…just push this button here…" Iris points out the right button. Joan says she was joking. Iris: "Yeah. Later." Joan continues struggling with the camera. Frink: "Take the cover off the lens." Yeah, that's sort of a hoary old error at this point.
Friedman's walking through the hall, followed by Luke and Glynis. Luke tells him, "Glynis and I are going to a Chekhov-Sulu Star Trek spectacular Saturday night." Frink, the big geek, perks up at this mention: "Cool." Me: "It's so not." Glynis says, "George Takei in the house!" She asks Friedman if he wants to join them. Friedman does not. Luke: "What's up, Aulander?" Or possibly "Owlander," as the closed captioning has it. Some viewers thought they heard "Outlander," but I don't hear a T in there anywhere. Maybe Friedman is the guy's first name, after all. And maybe his last name is Aulander, or Owlander, or whatever. Luke complains that Friedman never wants to do anything anymore: "You have a new friend base?" Opening his locker, Friedman says, "One: Brittany." Luke: "A girlfriend?" Glynis: "Deets. Give us the deets." "Deets"? No. Just…no. Friedman claims to have walked into the wrong changing room at Old Navy: "She's a junior at Stratton Academy. It's all girls. Catholic, pleated skirts, knee-highs, lots of plaid." Shut it, Friedman. Glynis looks slightly anxious. Friedman: "The whole manger." The whole what? Manger? I have to say, I've never heard that expression. Luke's mouth is hanging open slightly, and Glynis nudges him sharply. Please, Glynis. Surely you're smart enough to recognize an imaginary girlfriend when a doofus makes one up. Luke tells him to bring her along on Saturday. Friedman says he'll ask her, as he flexes his right hand sort of uncomfortably. Luke asks what's wrong with his hand. Friedman glances at Glynis and says quietly to Luke, "When we're not in mixed company, dude." Oh, good Lord. If I'm going to have to hear about that sort of carpal tunnel injury from Friedman, I want a raise. Luke's expression is a mixture of curiosity and disbelief and Glynis nudges him sharply again. Yeah, don't marry that one, Luke.