Episode Report Card Demian: C- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT The Demon Who Came In From The Cold
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 19 | Aired on December 17, 2010
P3AD. Phoebe's Fun Bags in a lovely (not) sleeveless pink top clear a path through a crowd of gyrating yuppies to the bar. Once there, they allow their owner -- or do they own her? -- time for a brief confab with Prue, Piper, and the Dolt. The conversation is structured so we're to think something demonic is afoot, with a lot of "We're in trouble" joined by "I don't think we have enough time" countered with "We've been in tighter jams than this" bandied about. It's all nonsense. The fearsome foursome is actually making plans to go see a movie. Ha. Ha. Barf. Piper and the Dolt want to go see a "thriller." Prue and the humanoid supporting Phoebe's Fun Bags want to see some "foreign film at the Avalon." The biotic support system for Phoebe's Fun Bags is particularly exercised about this decision, as it wants to "stop thinking about Cole and his demon-dodging, not be reminded of it" this evening. The foreign film is entitled Faithless, by the way. Get it? You will. Anyway, Prue and The Biotic Support System For Phoebe's Fun Bags are surprised Piper is siding with her husband. "Welcome to the Power Of Four," Piper smiles. The Dolt beams playfully. Shut up, both of you.
The "banter" is interrupted by the arrival of Cole. Cole doesn't look very happy, for reasons I assume will be beaten to death long before the end of the episode. The Biotic Support System For Phoebe's Fun Bags makes its way over to Cole, and greets him with a cautious, "Hey." Phoebe's Fun Bags demand to be crushed against Cole's chest, and their Biotic Support System willingly obliges. Cole apologizes for being away from the Fun Bags for so extended a period of time, explaining he didn't want to return until he was "sure it was safe" for him to do so. The Fun Bags place pressure on the rib cage of their Biotic Support System, compressing its chest cavity to force air from its lungs up through its neck, where the vocal cords vibrate, "Are you sure it's safe now?" Cole reassures the Fun Bags he is, indeed, sure it is safe now. The Fun Bags order their Biotic Support System to return to the bar with Cole in tow. It complies. Noises of greeting from Prue, Piper, and the Dolt. The Dolt asks Cole if he'd like to join them all in a movie. Cole would rather get some alone time with the Fun Bags. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink. Only without the nudging and the winking. The Fun Bags find this an excellent idea and leave the bar immediately, dragging Cole and their Biotic Support System out the door after them. "Look at Phoebe and Cole, trying to be a normal couple," Piper sighs. Yeah, shut up, missy. You're the one who married a reanimated corpse. Prue tells her to cram it, and gathers her belongings from the bar, resigned to see the "thriller" after all. I hope it's not The Forsaken. I heard that movie just sucks.
Cut to a silvery blob in a silver lamé tuxedo gyrating on the sidewalk. No, I don't understand why it's there. Ask Potsie. He did direct this episode, after all. Ritchie Cunningham gets the Academy Award nominations, and Potsie gets Phoebe and her Fun Bags. Is that justice, I ask you? Oh, yeah. I guess it is. Phoebe, having wrested control of her body from the Fun Bags, exposits she's happy Cole could return in time for her graduation ceremony. Cole replies that he "wouldn't miss that for the world." He pauses a bit, then glums, "Or the end of the world." Phoebe senses the sadness, and asks what's wrong. Briefly, San Francisco is never terribly safe for him, what with the Source-ordered bounty on his head for killing the Andrews Sisters all those many episodes ago, and frankly, he's tired of squiggling from plane of existence to plane of existence to avoid being captured. "I'm half-human, so I can't go back, and I'm half-demon, so there isn't really a place for me in your world either." Those in the audience who just emerged from a yearlong coma after their SUVs rolled over on the Interstate thank you for reminding them of that, Cole. Old buddy of mine. Phoebe's expression betrays her concern that Cole is about to dump her sorry ass right there on the sidewalk. No farewell fornication for the Feebs? Cole eyes her and states, "It's…complicated. But it doesn't have to be -- not with magic on our side." Phoebe is not following his line of thinking. He draws her a detailed map, complete with cunning little etchings depicting the various interesting natural landmarks along the way. If Phoebe comes up with a spell to drain him of his demonic resources, he can live out his life as a regular Joe and need never worry about placing Phoebe in harm's way again. Phoebe is delighted. "You would do that for me?" she asks, yanking on his lapels to draw him down into a kiss. Didn't he just say he would? I think the Fun Bags are sucking the blood from your brain, sweetie.
Cole opens his eyes in the middle of the kiss in that reptilian way he has of indicating, "Something wicked this way comes." Said something wicked appears to be in the form of an addle-pated homeless gentleman, who emerges from an alleyway, screaming, "Prepare for the Brotherhood! The