Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT What Are You Doing With That Pepperoni?
By Couch Baron | Season 2 | Episode 14 | Aired on 03.14.2006
Classroom. It looks like study hall, given that a Navigator broadcast is playing. Ryan comes in, sits next to Veronica, and establishes that the previous night was a waste; she tracked a dummy email address. This perhaps should have raised a red flag -- what blackmailer doesn't want to get paid? Anyway, Ryan hands over the names and addresses of "something unintelligible ordered pizzas." Ryan begs Veronica to do something: the shippers are starting to freak. I've seen that happen, and it can get pretty ugly. Veronica's eyes narrow in recognition at seeing one of the names on the list, but before she can say who it is, Kylie comes on the monitor with a story about how the pizza attacker struck again, but this time, he chose a seemingly random victim -- Kelly Kuzzio, who happens to be the blond baseball player who was busting on Dick. Nice red herring, here -- Dick could have used the attacks as cover to get revenge on Kelly for his taunts. Kylie holds the mike for Kelly, who says that after practice the night before, he stopped by Sac-n-Pac to get a drink. I hope he said hi to Wallace, because none of the rest of us is going to get to. Kelly tells us that the mugger took his watch, his wallet, and worst of all, his rims. I guess the censors are live to any comments about rim jobs these days. That's what you get for crowing about your victories. Anyway, the rims apparently cost six grand. Also, Kelly is not a very good liar, from the way he's pacing while talking like he just quit a three-pack-a-day cigarette habit. Once Kelly's done, Kylie takes the mike back and outs herself as Marlena's girlfriend, and says that the pizza mugger can forget about collecting from her. He probably had already done so, assuming he realized that he might have had to hear her talk. The class erupts in predictable giggles, although the sendback to the befuddled anchor is hilarious, and Veronica notes that Kylie won't be needing her help anymore. Not unless you're willing to tutor people in line deliveries, Veronica. Which, despite being a little off your game this episode, you really, really should.
Neptune High. Kylie and Marlena walk out and proud down the hallway, although in spite of Kristin Cavalleri's wretched acting, you can tell that Kylie's a lot outer and prouder than Marlena is. Dick and some non-speaking friend of his watch appreciatively, and Dick exhorts them to "let your freak flag fly, ladies!" It's too bad that Being John Malkovich sort of by definition can never be remade, because I can't think of anyone better to take over from Charlie Sheen in singing the praises of lesbian witches than our boy Dick here. Veronica appears, causing Dick to ask her why she keeps following him, and the extra to get in a little mime work of the "here's my cue to leave" variety. Veronica asks if it would help if she started making out with her girlfriend. Dick: "Yeah! Obviously!" Hee, although I think "Obvi" is even more of a Dick response. Dick says that he'll take care of her car, but that she should leave him alone: "You date Logan, he's nailed for murder. You date Duncan, he's wanted for kidnapping. You get put on Robbie and Hunter's jury, they get sent to Chino. You're like rich-dude kryptonite, Veronica." I hope she's the green kind, because if she's red, that would mean she might be lowering Dick's inhibitions, and that's certainly something that would blow my mind. Among other things.