Episode Report Card Drunken Bee: A- | 5 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Daddy Issues
By Drunken Bee | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 04.30.2011
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Footage of Porn Mouth dead drunk, getting treated like a puppet by a random boy at last week's party hits the internet and stirs things up. Parents who saw the party clip are calling for the very football players who are the stars of the show to get expelled from the team! But Coach and Tami vow to whip these death-wish teens into shape. Coach gets very stern with his players, by making them wear coats and ties. The girls get stuck in an endlessly droning meeting with a drug and alcohol counselor. In other words, the girls once again get the shit end of the stick.
Proving that rule is Julie, who has the good luck to be the one millionth girl to fall for a lowly humanities TA's smoke and mirrors game-- you know, the one where a shabby blazer, through some process of alchemy, aided by the misperception of youth, starts to look sexy. What I'm trying to say is, the minute stupid (married!) Derek Bishop gives her a C- and tells her to "take some risks," she jumps into bed with him. I hope there's a Felicity-esque time travel episode at some point where we can fast forward and get a drink with Julie when she's thirty, groaning over what the hell she was thinking with this schlub.
Vince's father is out of prison and Vince is all het up about it. He doesn't want this man, who abandoned them and seemingly abused his mother, back in his life. Vince brings it all to Coach, breaking down and shouting that he doesn't know how to be good, to be a stand-up man, because his father never taught him how. When Coach and Vince hug at the end of a Lions win, Vince's father looks on with regret. Later, he packs his bags and leaves Vince and his mother, telling Vince that he knows he missed his chance to be his father, but that he's proud of him nonetheless.
Buddy's son-- still living in Colorado (right? or Arizona?) with his mom and Rice Dream-- is getting into trouble, smoking pot and other pre-meth-y things. Pam is at her wit's end and on the phone with Buddy every day. Finally he tells her to send Buddy, Jr. back to Dillon. I honestly can't remember one thing about this kid, which must be the story of his life, little brother to the one and only Lyla Garrity.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Everyone is gathered at Buddy's cavernous new bar. Austin blues prodigy Gary Clark, Jr. plays music for Tami to momishly snap her fingers to, while Luke gazes at Becky, and a big crowd of kids watch the most recent Lions win on a big screen television. The band wraps up its song and Buddy takes over the microphone, asking the crowd to give it up for the East Dillon Lions, explaining that this is the opening night of Buddy's Bar, and then explaining the new ritual of putting a football from each Lions victory into a case there at Buddy's.
Cut over to Vince's apartment where he comes home late to find his mother vacuuming. My first thought was: oh no, it's meth this time? But, as she reluctantly explains after some small talk about the game, she's up cleaning because his father has been released from jail. She wants Vince to come with her to pick him up at jail, but all Vince wants is some reassurance that he won't be living with them. His mom demurs and Vince stomps off to bed.
Credits. When we come back, we're looking at a video clip titled "Drunk Puppet Girl!!!!" of Porn Mouth being handled like, well, a drunk puppet. Principal Levi sternly identifies a series of football players who appear in the background of the video-- Dallas Tinker, Luke Cafferty, Vince Howard-- as Coach and Tami look on. Tami murmurs about how awful the video is while Levi tells them that parents are calling for the football players they see to be expelled. Coach whoa-whoas him, pointing out that there are dozens of other boys there and asking Levi to not expel anyone until he (Coach) can look into the situation. Levi leans back and agrees to the favor. Out in the hallway, Coach stands around in his dad socks-and-shorts while they shake their heads about how unacceptable this video is. Coach says he'll ask his players what was happening and Tami says that the girls need to be dealt with, as well. Coach, consternated, says "We didn't do any of this crap when we were kids" which Tami's surprised reaction points out is obviously a willful sort of amnesia. She just mutters, "Uh, yeah" and then turns to leave. Her face here is like maddeningly opaque, denying us access to what is clearly some sort of X-rated montage of the stupid shit they did do as kids playing in her mind.
Julie's history lecture discussion section breaks up as Head TA Derek Bishop (please do read sarcasm in my use of the "title" he introduced himself with) hands back papers. Julie has earned a C-, and girl, do I remember that feeling. Straight A public school student totally tanking on those first few college assignments.