Episode Report Card Mr. Sobell: B- | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Perhaps a new team captain?
By Mr. Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.16.2006
Appearing in the hallway is Sucre's cousin, a character that has been the subject of a fierce debate in the Sobell household. The wife has dubbed this character Captain Calories. Me, I favor calling him False Hurley. And since I'm the one typing this particular recap, False Hurley he shall be. "I need you to give Sucre a message," Michael informs False Hurley. "Tell him I'm okay, and that I'm trying to fill in the blanks. He'll know what that means." "You're trying to fill in the blanks?" False Hurley repeats, as if Michael has just asked him to pour a gallon of yogurt down his pants. Michael suggests that False Hurley deliver the message as stated. Between him and Haywire, it's so hard to find good help in prison these days.
Of course, seeing a shirtless Michael clues False Hurley in to the burned-guard-uniform-sized hole on Michael's back. To drive home the point, we are treated to a flashback of false Hurley eyeballing the burnt uniform, followed by another shot of Michael's burnt back. Then a banner proclaiming, "The burn on his back matches the burn on the guard uniform that you lent Sucre!" is unfurled. Or maybe it isn't. The point is that False Hurley has put two and two together.
Meanwhile, land baron Geary is busy showing off his hot property to another interested buyer -- Westmoreland. Ah, but this is all a ruse to get Westmoreland inside the cell so that he can flip through the Bible he once gave to Michael. You remember that Bible, don't you? The one containing the $100 bill that Westmoreland used to prove his D.B. Cooperness? You don't? Well, perhaps another flashback will help. Or maybe not putting the show on hiatus for four months -- that might help us remember plot points, too. Anyhow, Westmoreland makes off with the Bible, and T-Bag has his buy-in for the poker game.
T-Bag saunters over to C-Note's cell to share the news of his good fortune. C-Note is understandably wary of having a prolonged conversation with T-Bag, lest any battery-stuffed socks be in the vicinity. But T-Bag needs to talk business: "You and I are going to have be partners in this endeavor," he explains to a reluctant C-Note. "All you need to know is this: every time I deal, you bet big and never fold. You see, if I'm winning every time I deal, I end up with a Colombian necktie. You know what I'm saying?" And if C-Note wins every time T-Bag deals, that diverts suspicion how, exactly? "Say, I couldn't help but notice the guy on your P-I crew wins big each hand you deal. Ah well, probably just a coincidence." Yet T-Bag seems confident that very few people would ever assume an unrepentant white supremacist pedophile and a street-smart African-American would ever work together. Except on a UPN sitcom, maybe.
On the outside, we catch up with Nick, who's trying to find a charger for Dead Quinn's cell phone at a local electronics shop. Suddenly, a mysterious man pops up to menace Nick over by the cell phone accessories. "You have a lousy calling plan, Savrinn," the mysterious man says. "The overages will break you!" Or perhaps he just asks Nick where Veronica is. Nick tells our mystery man that Veronica is filing petitions at the courthouse, and that she'll be back at his apartment in an hour. "See? That was easy," Mystery Man says. "I shouldn't have to chase you down to get that information." Nick's request that the mysterious stranger respect his personal space goes unheeded. "Why don't you remember who you're talking to, who I work for," says Mystery Man, as he suddenly gets all handsy with Nick. "You need to keep an eye on Veronica Donovan. Not some of the time. All of the time. Because pretty soon, we're gonna call in our favor. Unless you want to go back on our deal." Nick reluctantly agrees that there will be no give-backs. And personally, this excites me because I have Episode 20 in the "Nick Sells Out Veronica" office pool, and it's looking like I'm about to finish in the money.