Episode Report Card Sobell: A- | 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT The Brief Wondrous Life of Cole Pfeiffer
By Sobell | Season 4 | Episode 14 | Aired on 12.08.2008
So he's all excited about calling Vykin, but Gretchen would like to talk to Emily first. Don Self absently says that she and Rita are fine, which is exactly the wrong thing to say: "I have a history with Vykin. No money exchanges hands unless I tell him you're legit. I want to talk to my daughter NOW!" Faced with the threat of losing his connection, Don caves and dials T-Bag. Once Emily's on the line, Gretchen coos, "Emily, baby, it's your Auntie Gretchen." "Where are you?" Emily asks. "I'm not far. Are you okay?" Gretchen says brightly. "There's this mean man here," Emily says. We cut to T-Bag looking unamused by her assessment. Gretchen tells Emily, "Emily, baby, do you remember the mean man who used to live with your mommy, Rita? The one that used to yell at you all the time? What happened to Roy?' "He went to the store one day and never came back," Emily pipes up. And this is where I had to pause my TiFaux until I could control my laughter. I simply love the idea of Gretchen casually taking out anyone who crosses Emily and Rita. Oh, please, please, please do not kill her -- let her settle down with Emily and Rita and pop up occasionally, all, "I promised to stay out of your way, Scofield, but your chase scene is interrupting Emily's soccer fundraising bake sale, so move it elsewhere. Also, buy these cupcakes at $2 apiece." Anyway, Gretchen obliquely promises to kill T-Bag for Emily, and Don Self interrupts at that point to get T-Bag back on the line. Once the two men are connected, Don tells him, "I'm going to call you in exactly two hours with the location of the exchange. If you don't hear from me, kill 'em both." We cut to T-Bag looking appalled. Then back to Don Self, who looks inordinately pleased with his thuggery. At this point, it is a race to see who can kill Don first -- Gretchen, or the One World Conspiracy.
Just then, Rita's doorbell rings. T-Bag drags Rita over to answer it, and they're confronted with the milquetoast visage of one Ralph Becker, Bible salesman at large. Ralph is a persistent pitchman, and it ends up earning him a concussion, because his appeals give T-Bag time to notice the military academy ring on Ralph's hand. T-Bag concludes that Ralph's part of the One World Conspiracy, knocks him out, and gets himself another hostage to track. Rita is shocked by this turn of events: "This guy is a Bible salesman."
The remainder of Team Scylla is now at the Fauntleroy hotel. It is truly a dive. Sucre comes over with Self's box of smoke bombs, and sadly notes, "We have no way to shoot them." Michael looks around, happens to notice some lengths of PVC pipe and a roll of duct tape conveniently laying around, and says, "Yeah, we do. But I need you to buy some hairspray and a lighter." Thrilled that Michael is about to fulfill his Macgyver daydream, Sucre runs off.