Episode Report Card Omar G: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT His panic (room)
By Omar G | Season 5 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.18.2006
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.A filler episode that's all about the Lex and Lana. A cop who was pinned under a car but survived when the Disciples of Zod came to town last season goes after Lex and Lana. He saw Lex and his crew ship off the alien spaceship and he wants to find the ship and take it public. Along with his fellow-cop fiancée, the guy holds Lex hostage in his own castle. A panic-room standoff occurs that gets worse when they find Lana and hold her hostage. Lex, of course, lets his guard down because of Lana and gets shot in the chest (again!?) in the process. As Lex gets weaker, he gets gushier about Lana, telling her how lucky Clark is to have her. While Lana's upset that Lex lied to her about losing the ship (not that it was his fault; the damn thing just disappeared), she's pretty grateful that Lex took a bullet for her. Unfortunately, Sheriff Cheshire gets killed while investigating at the mansion. Meanwhile, after more sexual frustration between Clark and Lana, Clark goes to Chloe and MamaKent for more advice and seems pretty close to telling Lana his secret. Bo Duke starts asking questions about his campaign finances, and finally corners Lois about it. She admits that the money is coming from Papa Luthor. Then Bo finds out that MamaKent accepted the money. He blows his stack, but then agrees to use the money as long as he can sell some of his land and pay back every cent after the election. Chloe and Clark figure out who's behind the hostage situation, and Clark saves Lana from an explosion at the ship warehouse after she lures the evil cops away from Luthor Manor. In the hospital, Clark sees Lana hugging Lex, who seems just fine after yet another gunshot wound. Clark gets jealous. How much of this is just set-up for the hundredth-episode killfest? We'll have to wait and see. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Daytime, Stately Luthor Mansion exterior. It's got that rusty blood color up at the top that always freaks me out. Inside, someone throws down a copy of the Smallville Ledger with the headline, "State senate candidates neck and neck." I bet the Smallville Ledger is just happy anyone would get worked up enough about their newspaper to throw it down on a table. Lex tells his main aide that this isn't the kind of headline he was hoping for before the election. Oh yeah. Lex and Bo Duke are running for office. I almost forgot all about that. The aide tries to make Lex feel better by saying that nobody can be that squeaky-clean. Wait. Did they just take a shower together? Aide-Man insists they'll find something to use against Bo Duke. He says the word "against" using the Sydney Poitier pronunciation handbook. Lex says it's obvious the aide has never met Bo Duke. He is a man without taint. You could run your finger up and down and all around Bo Duke, and you're unlikely to find even the hint of a taint. Some say it's a birth defect.Two sheriff's deputies enter the room. It's a tall guy and a shorter woman, both in uniform. The main sheriff's deputy is the third African-American character we've had on the show recently (including Lex's aide and Wayne Brady Lite), which has to be some sort of record on this show (and, perhaps, the entire WB). Deputy Revenge as we'll come to know him, tells Lex that they've got to get him out. There's been a bomb threat on the mansion. "A bomb?" Aide-Man asks. That's what they said, dude. Lex says his security team should have alerted him to this. Your security team? Security? Really, Lex? If somebody called in a bomb threat, your security team would think it was a balm threat and wait out front expecting a nice gift basket from Sephora. Lex goes to the phone to check on that and the deputies bust out their guns. Aide-Man goes, "Uh…Lex?" Deputy Revenge and his partner, Deputy Sidekick, start stepping forward. Revenge says Lex always has to do things the hard way. If there's one thing we've learned, it's that the limp way is not acceptable to Lex Luthor. Lex says, "Let me guess. You're not a cop." "Not anymore," Revenge answers. Lex's aide makes the dumbest and last move of his life by throwing some sort of flimsy folder at two people with guns thinking it's going to magically disarm them by three-ring-binding them to death. Then he runs away. It's therefore not all that tragic when Deputy Revenge shoots him right the fuck in the back. Lex, watching, has a remote control in his hand. He pushes a button and before you know it, he's diving into a panic room. Wow, that's convenient. I wish I had one right now: