Episode Report Card Sars: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Please Please Mr. Postman
By Sars | Season 6 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.08.2002
Okay, we all know that that shit would never happen, right? That no way would a professor risk a lawsuit by using an email like that in class, not to mention reaming out the author out so crassly? And that the students, if they reacted at all, would probably cringe in sympathy with Joey rather than guffawing in her face? And we all know too that Flip-Flops's so-called burn on Joey is stupid too, right? That stream-of-consciousness is about a style, whereas the "distancing" in Joey's writing is about a tone? That Contrivance just overflowed my bathtub again? Okay, good.
Shut up, thetruth.com.
Back at the Boiler Room, Pacey -- whose neatly gelled 'do from earlier has morphed into a wig-like spherical pouf -- is flailing on a cold call. As the customer hangs up on him, Bobby swaggers up to hit him with a few more salesmanship koans, advising him to ditch the sweet-talk and "make them feel like morons for doubting your financial prowess." Pacey doesn't understand how he's supposed to sell the stock when he doesn't know anything about it, but Bobby rolls his eyes at Pacey's naïveté and tells him to find an "in" with his potential customers -- "become them, become who they want to be," blah blah blah Gordon-Miyagi-cakes. "You're never gonna land a guy like Topper playin' the nice guy." Who is Topper? He's the next call on Pacey's list. Bobby waxes boring about Topper's miserliness, then tells Pacey to grab his keys: "We're going off-campus." Oh, goody. I can't wait to hear more of Bobby's philosophical musings on money, power, and closing the deal. Oh, no, that's not right. I could actually wait forever and a day to hear more of that crap, because it's boring, trite, nonsensical, and a waste of my goddamn time.
Brit Bar. Emma is trying to train Joey, but Joey is resisting, reminding Emma that she has worked in restaurants before and managing to work in a reference to having seen them burn down as well. Emma, not impressed, points out that Joey's never worked "in this dive," has she, and steers her to Table 3. Table 3, to the surprise of nobody who has ever watched television before, is animatedly discussing The Email Of Infamy in a totally unrealistic fashion. Instead of saying something credible like "oh my God, I soooo don't envy that chick, what a nightmare," the girls snottily posit that they'd never send an email like that, at least not if they ever wanted to hear from the guy again. Joey smiles tightly and asks if they know what they want to eat, but they don't seem to hear her; the guy at the table protests that "not all guys are like that." The first girl dismisses him with, "Oh, whatever, Mike -- you're gay," and Mike theorizes that maybe the guy in question is gay too, "and that's why he screwed her over." Look, Mike, I don't know what you've heard, but James Van Der Beek is engaged, okay? So not gay. So never slept with The Flash. (Heh.) Anyway, the first girl sniffs that the emailer is obviously starved for attention, and when she makes a crack about The Real World, Joey has had it. She angrily blurts out that maybe the author never meant to send it out to "the gossips at large" -- maybe she just wanted some "private closure" and never thought she'd have to hear "the Oprah psychobabble of her life-lacking peers." "Life-lacking peers"? Hot diggity, that's bad writing. Plus, that's so not the way to handle it on Joey's part. Just mention in a mild tone of voice that, you know, you wrote that email, and then just stand there let 'em squirm. Katie Holmes does a good job selling the next line -- "Now do you guys want something to eat, or should I just bring over a nice tray of bon-bons so you guys can hunker down and watch your stories?" -- but the kids at the table greet her outburst by sending a "bitch is crazy" look around the table. The second girl says, "Maybe later," and Joey frowns and walks away as they all laugh at her.
Jen, Audrey, and Jack stroll along the sidewalk; Jen is trying to convince Audrey that Boston Bay "is not a party school," but Audrey won't hear it. Jack tells her that the "midday keggers" get a little old after a while, "trust me," then gets distracted by the sight of Professor Freeman in front of the movie theater and says he'll meet them inside -- he wants to talk to (read: "try to hit on") Freeman. Jen warns him away from that plan, calling it "a tad Tracey Flick," but Jack assures her that Freeman knows him, he's talked in class a bunch of times, blah. Jen and Audrey look doubtful, but the script calls for Jack and his overly Tin-Tin hair to crash and burn in the next scene, so he trots off to do just that. Jen calls him Swimfan, and sighs to Audrey that "somebody has got to talk to that boy about his love of the straights." Oh, I don't know -- he turned Ambiguously Gay Eric, after all, so it's probably not time for an intervention quite yet. "Whatever, it's totally hot," Audrey sighs. Yeah. Wait…huh?