Episode Report Card 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Ex Libris
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 19 | Aired on December 29, 2000
Hey, boozers! Wait for the re-run this summer (on either Sunday or Thursday night) and empty your glass every time any character voices a variation on the phrase "move on." Then call in sick to work the next day so you can recover. Regardless of broadcast date, you'll have a three-day weekend.
Halliwell Manor. Parlor. Piper "Boring Between Two Lovers" Halliwell, in black slacks, black apron top, and sad-making crimped hair, is walking around the room, lighting a Pottery Barn's entire inventory of candles, arranging vases of freshly cut flowers, and adjusting the volume on a WB Records sham-teuse who's caterwauling on the stereo. Either it's Piper's turn to host one of Oprah's book clubs or she's setting the stage to get it on with the world's most sensitive heterosexual male. Just then Prue "Daddy's Brittle Girl" Halliwell struts into the room in jeans, a ruffled camisole top and a cowhide (ew!) hairband. She's just developed some photos and wants her sister's opinion. Prue takes in the scene, grasps the obvious, and wonders aloud if Piper's expecting company. Piper gets her bitch on and explains that she's supposed to have the house to herself because Leo's coming over. She tells Prue that Phoebe already kindly vacated the premises to study for finals at the university. Prue should have seen where Piper "put [notice] on the kitchen calendar way in advance." Prue: "The kitchen calendar? Like I'd notice that! I just go in there to eat the food you prepare for Pheebs and me." Actually, Prue says she thought the big date was the next night. Piper fumes. Prue presses her luck and asks Piper to look at the photos anyway. Piper: "Make it fast."
Prue gives extra-quick exposition about No. magazine sending her out to "capture faces" in the city (an assignment that has BUSY WORK stamped all over it, in my opinion) so Prue went to "the Haight, " i.e. the Haight-Ashbury District, I suppose, to take photos. Because Prue's a talented, innovative photographer the way that the perpetrator of this show's San Francisco establishing shots is a gifted, trend-setting videographer. Anyway, there's a middle-aged man wearing a trenchcoat in each of Prue's photographs. Piper doesn't think this is a big deal. Prue: "You don't understand. He was just hanging out!" Piper tells Prue that she shouldn't have used up all of her film snapping patrons outside of an adult movie theater. Actually, Prue explains that Trenchcoat Man looks "sad and determined" in the photos, and he's handing out fliers. Just then, Leo "Heaven-weight Champion" orbs in. Piper goes all David Spade, urging Prue, "Okay, buh-bye!" Prue explains that she'll be in the basement, developing film all night, very quietly. She hugs Piper goodnight and reminds her, "No sex without safe sex." Yeah, this from the gal who did it on a dirt floor with her escaped convict/kidnapper. Piper makes a whatever face along with Owen. Before Prue leaves, Piper reminds her that she's left a birthday card for their father on the kitchen table for Prue to sign, if she wants. Prue: "I don't." Prue says hey to Leo and leaves. Piper wonders aloud, "That's weird. Why wouldn't she want to sign the card?"
Sidebar. Two things. Hmm. Yet another plot on this show featuring a HALLMARK CARD. More fodder for shout-out speculation. And Piper's query about Prue's ambivalence toward Pére Halliwell is either a) the character being ironic, since she knows very well about the chip on Prue's shoulder, or b) some sort of recognition about the lack of continuity from episode to episode on this series. Y'all make the call.
So Leo shuts Piper up with a very loud lipsmack. Then Piper reminds him that Prue's just one floor below. So he orbs them both upstairs to the bedroom. All the Redbook-suggested ambiance Piper prepared weeps from neglect.
University. Library. Phoebe "Joel Osment" Halliwell sits at a study table alone, using an incredibly squeaky highlighter, then chomping loudly on some potato chips from her handbag. She tries to do this all secretively although she's sitting in the middle of an open room and in full view of everyone. Her feeble attempts at comedy in this scene are mitigated by her decision to wear the foxy black "Margaret Yang from Rushmore" eyeglass frames that we've seen in prior episodes. A blonde girl at the next study table looks over at Pheebs crunching away. (When I first saw this episode, I'd just watched Popular's "Blondes vs. Browns" wigstravaganza, so I didn't notice how fake-looking this girl's hair is. On second viewing, it definitely looks like a wig. A wig, in fact, that Tammy Wynette slept in and mushed against the tour bus window before rousing herself and performing a 1974 concert.) Phoebe apologizes for the noise. Blonde holds up her own bag of chips and Phoebe realizes that they're both blonde in spirit, if not hair color. So Phoebe says loudly, "Hi! I'm PHOEBE!" Blonde recognizes her, because they met when they "carpooled" and took "Metaphysics 301" together. Phoebe remembers that Blonde's dad was the professor of the class. Blonde admits, angrily, that she got a "C" in his course.
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