Episode Report Card 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Witch Trial
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on March 31, 1995
Last time on Charmed: They ripped off Groundhog Day. Officer Andy "Dylan, Oops I Mean Darren" Trudeau bought the proverbial farm. Piper quit her job at Quake to realize her dream of opening her own restaurant.
High atop Not! Hill in San Francisco. Halliwell Manor at night. Phoebe "Not the Funny One Who Comes On At Eight" Halliwell enters the darkened foyer and exclaims, "Sister witches! Guess what?" She enters the living room where Piper "So I Want To Be A Ho" Halliwell is macking on the couch with Yuppie Stud. Phoebe and Stud greet each other. Piper freezes the tableau in a fit of pique and reads Phoebe’s beads for the sister witch comment and abrupt entrance. Phoebe says she didn’t know Piper would be there, because the last she heard, Piper was meeting a banker friend to see about getting a loan. Phoebe’s synapses fire. She looks at Yuppie Stud and asks Piper, "Is this the credit check?" Heh. Piper says it’s not what Phoebe thinks, they were just kissing. Phoebe assures Piper that she doesn’t have to justify her actions, because she’s "way overdue in the sex department." Piper reluctantly admits her sister’s right, but adds that she’d "never sleep with a guy to get something, you know that," all appearances to the contrary. Phoebe goes all Basil Exposition about Piper "straining to buy the club," and she hasn’t heard from Leo "Her Own Personal Jesus" Wyatt in a while. Prue "Finally a Reason to Wear Black" Halliwell enters the manor while talking on a cell phone. Piper tells Prue to go back outside, and she unfreezes Yuppie Stud. Stud asks Phoebe if she’s Prue. Prue re-enters. Introductions are made. Piper asks Yuppie Stud, who we find out is named Rob, for a rain check because "it’s getting crowded" in the house and tells him she’ll see him at the club tomorrow at noon. Prue and Phoebe smirk at Piper. Prue asks Piper if she got the loan. Piper ignores her, and the two hard P’s go on to do other things. Phoebe stops them and asks if they know what tomorrow is -- their "one year anniversary of becoming witches, hello!" -- and it falls on the autumnal equinox, "one of the most powerful Wiccan days." Phoebe knows this because she was talking to another witch at the bookstore. Prue and Piper ask Phoebe if she spilled the beans to her pseudo-witch friend. Phoebe says she’s just doing research, because "forewarned is forearmed" and opens up a big book that says "WICCAN." Prue dismisses Phoebe with an admonishment to "leave well enough alone" because they’ve been "demon-free for over a month" and she wants to "keep it that way." Piper agrees, and follows Il Pruce out of the hall. Phoebe gapes. Owen’s gaping too, because Phoebe is wearing a paisley bandanna as a halter top, Piper is wearing a midriff-baring purple sweater made out of what look like gum wrappers that’s unraveling at the shoulder, and Prue is wearing an acid-green tube top sweater with exposed white bra straps. Perhaps the wardrober shouldn’t purchase costumes from the clearance rack at the kinderwhore store?
The next morning. Halliwell Manor. The Book of Shadows starts turning pages by itself. Phoebe somehow hears this and comes bounding in. She calls for the hard P’s. They look a the exposed page, which reads "The Rite of Passage. Fight it with the Power of One or Else …" Cheapo special effects appear on the wall of the attic. A demon, who looks like a mini-Tim Curry devil from the flick Legend, appears, steals the book, and disappears. Prue holds up her hand to throw attitude, but stops. Piper asks what the hell that was. Phoebe wonders where the BoS is. Prue is nonplused. Piper bitches, "So much for being demon-free."
Credits. Owen’s had a year to get adjusted to Aaron Spelling appropriating a Smiths’ song for one of his schlockfests, but it’s still very chafing. From the credit montage we learn: Charmed is set in San Francisco, and each sister has a different passive aggressive power. Prue is telekinetic, and now uses her hands instead of the stink eye to move things around. Piper can cause temporal stasis, as if this show needed to move any slower. And Phoebe’s psychic. Try the Powerpuff Girls if you want to watch females kick ass tonight.
Endless establishing shots of San Francisco, trying to convince us that the series isn’t really filmed on a backlot in L.A. Halliwell Manor. The sisters are straightening up the attic while still wearing their bedclothes. Phoebe is knocking on the wall the demon came from, and bemoans that the demon "came out of nowhere, and went back into nowhere," as do all guest stars on this show. Piper the brain surgeon adds that whatever it was took the BoS with it. Yes, Piper, we know, we were there. The sisters wonder why such a powerful demon didn’t kill them. Phoebe thinks he just didn’t want to take on Prue. Prue gets her back up and asks what she means. Phoebe thinks the Power of One means Prue’s power, because it’s the strongest. Prue: "Says who?" Phoebe: "Says every demon or warlock we’ve come a