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By Alex Richmond | Season 7 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.27.2003
Promenade. Peter Peter Apple-Stealer is buying (not stealing) a movie ticket. Kevin barks, "POLICE! Put your hands up and turn around slowly." Peter freezes, then does what Kevin says. Kevin SMILES at the poor kid, then giggles and says he didn't mean to scare him. What a dick. Peter's face collapses with relief, and then he starts pummeling Kevin. As someone said on the boards, this is a very realistic reaction. How rare to have a moment of near-truth on this terrible show. Kevin grabs Peter and says, "Whoa, whoa! Sorry, sorry! Bad call." No shit, Sherlock. Peter says Kevin doesn't know anything about him or his mom, so "why doesn't [he] just shut up?" Congrats, Peter Peter Apple-Stealer, you are now my favorite cast member. Kevin asks that Peter "show [him] some respect," as he's still a cop and Peter is "still truant from class." Roxanne asks why Peter blew off school. He says, "Whatever." And the cop duo are "supposed to take [him] to the Camdens'," since his mom had to work. How fucking convenient.
Back at the CamPound, Annie is sliding a tray of cookies out of the oven and shoveling them into the twins. Ruthie walks in and says she isn't interested in the cookies, or a "bribe." Annie says she didn't intend to bribe anyone, she just "felt like baking." And Peter might want a cookie after getting busted on the Promenade by the cops. Ruthie doubts it. She asks, "What do you know?" as slyly as a spy. Annie shoots back, "What do YOU know?" They both swivel and look at the twins, there in the kitchen, with their mouths full of cookies. Could the twins leave the set, please? Oh no, wait, the adult and other child will leave instead. As soon as Ruthie and Annie are gone, the twins go to the coffee can full of change and unload it into their overalls. You know, with the way these two kids have been left alone virtually all their lives, I don't know why they didn't turn to crime earlier. They could have made a mint by now. Of course, now their cry for help is just tied into the stupid plot, but whatever. They clearly need help, and lots of it. Maybe they're saving up for rehab.
Ruthie and her mom come clean: they both know about Peter's mom's new Date. Ruthie says she doesn't think Paris should have let him sleep over. Well, Ruthie, I don't think you should have worn that fucking black tie. What, are you in private school? Channeling Avril Lavigne? Wishing you had one moment resembling anything close to one in Britney's career, long may it wave, just kidding? Annie says that "even parents can make mistakes." Shut up! Simon comes in, and Annie sends him to the kitchen for a cookie and to watch the twins. Is Simon even in this episode?