Episode Report Card Daniel: F | 180 USERS: D YOU GRADE IT You Don’t Have To Go, Dome, But You Can’t Stay Here
By Daniel | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 09.16.2013
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.I mean, it's not as if we expected the "resolution" of the ridiculous mysteries to be anything less than ridiculous? But did anyone expect things to be that bad? The monarch butterfly emerges from its chrysalis and starts flitting around the mini-dome, turning it black as it does so, and the same think happens to the maxi-dome. Settling once and for all that Linda is the dumbest television cop ever who doesn't live in Hazzard County, the idiot teenagers trick Linda into touching the dome, and it fries her, but unfortunately leaves her alive, and the morons take the mini-dome over to the cement factory.
Meanwhile, Julia and Angie rescue Barbie and they head to the cement factory, where, when the teenagers put their hands on the blackened dome, it shatters, and the butterfly flits overs to Julia, which I suppose means she’s the monarch. Then the egg lights up and I guess causes an earthquake, but instead of evacuating with the others, Julia picks up the egg and calms it down.
Junior recaptures Barbie, who will not be getting a trial or anything, but is to just be HANGED in the GALLOWS THAT THE CITIZENS OF CHESTER'S MILL BUILD IN A COUPLE OF HOURS. And Linda seems to be OK with this, even though she knows Julia helped Barbie escape. You know, despite the fact that as far as Linda knew, Barbie shot Julia. But Big Jim has taken her to his dead wife's art studio, where he shows her the pink star and egg painting that she did, which makes Linda think Big Jim and his family must be Very Important. Oh, does that mean you're going to start blindly doing whatever Big Jim tells you to do? Well, that will be a nice change. In the woods, Samantha Mathis returns as Norrie's mom, only it's just an appropriation of her image by the ghost/alien/whatever that dropped the dome on them in order to communicate with them better. She explains that the dome is meant to protect them. Protect that from what, exactly? No idea. But they have to protect the egg or else it's curtains.
Julia, being the monarch, has to try to save Barbie from being hanged, and she takes her sweet time about it, before finally deciding to drop the mini-egg in Methane Lake. Pink stars start rising in lines towards the sky and then spreading over the underside of the dome's surface in bright, white light. From the outside (notice the lack of scorched earth from the mother of all bombs) the dome looks opaque, and we close the season on Big Jim screaming for Junior to pull the lever on the gallows and hang Barbie until he be dead. So I guess we're just going to have to wait until next year to see if this show kills off its hero.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. This is the worst show he's ever recapped that didn't have Bachelor/ette in the title. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!So the stupid goddamn monarch butterfly is emerging from its chrysalis in the mini-dome in That Idiot Ben’s room. Joe and Norrie are delighted, while Officer Linda is confused and wants to know what’s going on. No one answers, and then Linda is still, "How long have you guys known about this?" Good question, Linda! How long have they known about this thing THAT EVEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET?
She looks at Carolyn -- who says she’s only known for a couple of days -- and warns Linda not to do anything rash, because acting rashly is this show’s modus operandi. Joe tells her it’s the source of the dome, which they don’t actually know is true, and they can kind of talk to it. "It told us the monarch will be crowned!" says Norrie, as though she thinks that’s supposed to mean something to Linda. Joe admits they don’t know what that means, but that’s a monarch butterfly in there, and they have to get it out "before it hurts itself or worse." What? Carolyn tells Linda she knows how it all sounds, but she believes them. How it sounds is like they’re making it up as they go along, but who would do that?
Over at the town hall, Big Jim is actually mad at Barbie for pleading "not guilty," and he punches him the stomach. Barbie says Big Jim’s taking a big gamble because Julia’s still out there and knows Big Jim is full of shit. "You entered your plea. Now you get your justice," says Big Jim.
Junior is right where we left him, making sweet love to the dome with his face. "Tell me!" he yells, and then he softens his voice, "Why do you want me to kill my father?" For the crime of bringing you into this world, that’s a start. I could go on.
Julia sits up in her hospital bed, despite the protests of Angie, who tells her she’s got to stay hidden. Julia says she’s the only who can exonerate Barbie, and Angie’s all, "Exactly!" Which is why Big Jim will have her killed before you can tell anyone, and this is ground they’ve covered before. But Julia ignores her and says Angie doesn’t have to come with her, but she can’t stop her.
Back in That Idiot Ben’s room, Linda tells the other idiots, "You don’t know anything about this thing," meaning the egg. If I’m not mistaken, that brings the total number of correct things that Linda knows up to two, along with, "This is a safe deposit box." Linda says it could be radioactive. "The big dome isn’t," says Norrie. Her logic, that "one thing isn’t radioactive, so therefore this other thing isn’t", is impeccable, I’ll grant you. But Linda’s not convinced and says the dome is police property. Then everyone notices that the butterfly inside is fluttering around and whenever it hits the dome, it makes little black splotches that spread over the surface.