Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT Bucky the Snowman
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.13.2002
On the floor just inside the door is a dead guard. There's a big-ass pool of blood under his head but, just to make sure, Syd takes his pulse. Yes, because gaping head wounds are known for, like, NOT MAKING YOU DEAD.
Back at CIA Hell-Lay. Vaughn scrambles up to Agent Sean and tells him that The Snowman has been sent after Calder as well and can they get a warning to Syd in time? Nope, says Agent Sean.
And we're back at Calder's. Syd's literally swooshing around the house while she talks to Dixon on her headset, informing him that there are three dead guards in the house. Like, she's twirling around the house, people. She's totally not watching her back or hugging the walls or doing anything other than showing off her impressive set of abs. If this were the real world, she'd be dead already.
Wait. Did I just say that? THE REAL WORLD? What in the HELL am I talking about? In the "real world" not one single premise or plot line on this show could feasibly exist. Man, I so need to start drinking heavily. If I'm even mentioning words like "real" or "reality" in any reference to this damn show, I need to spend some quality time with Mr. Tom Collins and Ms. Bloody Mary.
Syd hears a commotion in the kitchen and runs in the other direction, directly out the door and down the hill, and jumps into the van and drives into Melbourne and treats herself to a manicure and a nice bottle of Moet Chandon. Except that she so runs right into the kitchen. She comes upon the startling scene of a black-masked man plunging an ice pick into Calder's chest. Syd launches into full-on bitch attack, even though, like, if she had a gun or something? This would SO be over by now.
Syd and Masked Man go at it for a few minutes, using various kitchen items to attack each other. Syd finally gets a lucky break when Masked Man actually FALLS onto a knife. WhatEVER. Yeah, I know she was brandishing it originally but, like, I love how they never have Syd actually consciously KILL someone. Like, she's the sweetest international spy EVER!
Syd rolls Masked Man over and notices then that his left wrist is bandaged. She rolls up his mask and sees the puckery bucktoothed visage of Spitzy Saliva-Pants. He gasps something about how he tried to keep her from "all this" and then quickly, thankfully, kicks the damn bucket. Syd just weeps and snots all over him as Dixon arrives and just looks down at her and her dead non-boyfriend.
So long, Bucky Bunny Spitzy DiDroolio. We hardly knew ya.