Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fire in the (A-)Hole
By Lady Lola | Season 6 | Episode 3 | Aired on 07.28.2009
Twenty minutes in, the firefighters are getting feisty because they haven't even gotten food -- not even garlic bread, for criminy's sake. Seriously, you slather it and toast it. Ramsay rechristens Lovely "Irritating" because of her ineptitude. Luckily, Ariel steps in to help with that complicated two-step process and gets things moving along. Firefighters cheer. God, they've been broken down already. This show is like a social psychology experiment on 'roids. Over in the blue kitchen, Andy's also having trouble with his bread vis-à-vis his ovens. Even though the others have the pasta ready, he's holding them up. Robert takes every opportunity to talk shit behind Andy's back. Because that's all he's good for. And Van channels a labor coach in his interview, telling his teammate, "Push, Andy, push!" Yuck.
Thirty minutes into the challenge, the firefighters on the red side have gotten garlic bread. What an accomplishment! Especially since the Blue Team hasn't even gotten that far. Eventually Andy gets his shit together, and the toasted bread goes out. Announcer man deems this hurdle "The Garlic Bread Debacle." I am totally naming my fake garage band that. We'll be the opening act for The Nelly Yuki Project. As the men starting turning over their entrees, the women try to pull ahead by shortchanging the firefighters on their pasta dishes. Ramsay goes all Palin and claims that this insignificant act is an affront to all of mankind and a sign of disrespect for men who save lives. For shame!
Those obstacles over, the Blue Team has six tables left, and the Red Team has four. It's a race to the finish. The women maintain their two-table lead until they have only one ticket to finish. Then a firefighter complains about an undercooked meatball, courtesy of Tek. She worries that this slip-up will lose the whole challenge for them. Likewise, the men start thinking they might have a fighting chance as they even it out. Both teams have one ticket left. In the end, though, the women send out their dishes first and secure a much-needed victory. Robert sour grapes about being a loser. You think he'd be used to it by now.
Ramsay thanks the hardworking firefighters for coming to Hell's Kitchen in the middle of the night to carbo-load, and there's some God Bless the USA schmaltz as they exit the building. Afterward, Ramsay tells the women that their prize is a luxurious spa day, to which they will travel by helicopter. Lovely wastes no opportunity to take undue credit and gloat her ass off. "We [sic], like, whipped they butts. Smack it, slip it, we beat 'em and there's nothin' more they can say. Helicopter. Ohhhhh!" On the other hand, those loser guys have to wash and wax the firefighters' trucks, then clean the dining room. They head outside, and the women breeze by with the requisite face-rubbing. Andy sasses back, "Don't be afraid to ask them to peel that hair off your upper lip, either." Wow. You just can't teach class like that.