Episode Report Card Joe R: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT You Can't Miss The Bear
By Joe R | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 08.06.2005
Cut to the Botwin rooftop, as Nancy multi-tasks: she's trying to have a hip, mature "you sure you're ready" talk with Quinn (who is fully prepared to use Nancy's reticence at being the heavy against her) all while scanning the neighborhood with binoculars. I'm not sure what Nancy's intended purpose is with the binoculars, but it makes it awfully convenient when Quinn spies Josh in the backyard Jacuzzi of the neighborhood closeted sugar daddy. Quinn's all up on the Agrestic gossip (she even knows about her dad and the tennis pro), but she didn't know Josh was gay. Nancy takes a look just in time to see Josh making out with the guy. Advantage: Botwin. Next thing we know, Nancy's barging into Sugar Daddy's house, where Josh is jumping up on the bed in his underwear. All that charm and a hustler too, eh Josh? Nancy gets him in an arm lock and makes him promise to stop selling to kids or he rats him out to his dad. Here's hoping all of Nancy's problems end up having a scary homo secret to exploit, am I right?
Later on, Nancy and Celia are chatting over martinis, trying to figure out how to handle their children's burgeoning sexual relationship. Nancy hasn't told Celia any of what Quinn's told her, but Celia's eternal suspicion of everyone in her life serves her well in this regard. She gives Nancy a nanny-cam/teddy bear (hers?) to use to spy on Silas. Nancy says she trusts her kid, which Celia finds patently ridiculous. She makes Nancy promise to at least not allow Silas and Quinn to have sex under her roof, which Nancy does. Celia says she doesn't want her daughter to become "some little slut...like that deaf girl on Dewey Street who gave fellatio to Dennis Kling." To review: everyone in Agrestic (except Nancy) knows everyone else's business (except Nancy's). The kids show up with pizza, and when Quinn sees the bear, she fakely asks if she can have it. And Celia who doesn't know they know what it is, enthusiastically lets her.
The next day, Shane gets the jump on the towhead and his cronies and attacks them with a super-soaker full of pink paint. Elsewhere, Nancy walks in on Silas and Quinn, post-coital in the guest room. "Don't you see?" spaces Quinn as she gestures to the missing skylight window, "we're not under your roof. I'd say something about Quinn, but Celia's got me covered in about two minutes, so I'll hold off. Having finally had her fill of crap she can't control, Nancy shows up on Heylia's doorstep and collapses, crying, onto Conrad's shoulder. Conrad calls for Heylia to cute a slice of pie, "the white lady's having a time over here." Heylia, offscreen, yells that she can fix her own damn pie, "slave days is over." This gets a laugh out of Nancy, in between the heaving sobs. Aw.