Episode Report Card Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Poolhouse Is Rory's New Home
By Sara M | Season 5 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.16.2005
When Lorelai returns to the car, Rory is off the phone and confused about the "two-minute warning" Kirk just gave her. Lorelai gives her some donuts and asks Rory why on earth she stole a boat. Rory says she was upset. Lorelai says that when she's upset, she eats pound cake. She's a little annoyed that, for the thirty thousand dollars a year Yale charges, they don't even have pound cake, thus leaving students with no choice other than to steal boats when they're feeling sad. Rory sighs and tells Lorelai about Mitch's performance evaluation, and how Rory has absolutely no ability to handle disappointment. As Kirk's tow truck approaches the Gilmore Jeep, Lorelai goes off on Mitch and how he's full of crap. She says that Mitch isn't God, and that his opinion of Rory is both uninformed and unimportant. Rory makes an insincere-sounding apology for her behavior, and then starts to freak out as she realizes that she just got arrested and will need hand soap for those fingerprint ink stains. Lorelai -- the master of anticipating her daughter's needs -- says that they will figure this out. She starts up the Jeep and they drive away, thus depriving Kirk of yet another chance to wield whatever teeny-tiny amount of power he has over them.
The next morning, the Troubadour sings about turning twenty-one and getting in trouble even though his mother tried to raise him better. That's the first time I've seen the Troubadour, and I hope it's the last. He's annoying. And silly. And not Elvis Costello no matter how hard he tries. Inside their apartment, Lane and Brian rush around getting ready for their respective workdays. Zach, on the other hand, stumbles out of bed and starts playing videogames. Lane looks around for her jacket, and finds it on her drum set, which is covered with clothes and empty beer bottles, like one of those exercise machines you got with every intention to use but soon became a makeshift storage container.
Rory comes to breakfast to find Lorelai putting a new decoration on the fridge: Rory's mug shot! Ha ha ha! I love it. She then gives Rory a breakfast consisting of a loaf of bread and a glass of water, which is awesome. Rory says she's glad her mother is enjoying this situation so much. "Rory, the penal system is not something we enjoy," her mother answers. "It's something with a name that makes us giggle." Oh, so true. Lorelai then says that she heard about a shipment of plutonium down at "the docks" that she thought she and Rory could steal while dressed as nuns -- disguises that will both prove distracting and give the appearance of innocence. Rory says she has a final to take first. Lorelai then grabs two phones from a chair, puts them on the table, picks one of them up, and tells Rory to pick up the other. Rory obliges her, because Lorelai obviously went through a lot of work and put a lot of thought into all the ways to make fun of her daughter, so the least she could do is go with it. Rory calls an end to visiting hours and thanks her mom for letting her borrow the Jeep to drive back to school. Lorelai says she didn't have a choice: if she didn't let Rory borrow it, Rory would just steal it. Rory asks how long "this bit" is going to last. "Twenty to life," says Lorelai. Just keep setting yourself up like that, Rory. And, sure, Lorelai's attitude about her daughter's arrest should probably be a little less flippant, but that scene was a lot more fun than, say, watching the Camdens cry about their daughter ruining her life for TPing the school gym. I wonder what would happen if Rory were to accidentally run a child over and kill him. A half-hour of pure comedy gold at the very least.